#I wanna see more cuz they have such opposite views on that stuff

[cryptvokeeper]

I’ve been thinking abt this on and off for like 2 days but supernova trio is fuckin wild cuz if you put Law and Kid in front of me without context and asked who I think would get more focus, I’d probably say Kid, but if you put them in front of me WITH context and asked who I think would get more focus I’d probably still say Kid

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Leona, Cater: Rewrite the Stars

I like that Leona’s Groovy is at night; the great kings of the past can watch over him and see how far he’s come ✨The hat shading his eyes in the initial art is also fitting; it really makes his eyes stand out!

Leona voice) Poor me, I need some good rest cuz I’ve been working so diligently as a student and dorm leader 🥺 Lyin’ ass…

P.S. brb gonna grip Cay-kun so hard for saying Leona is “acting like a cool leader” 😊 WDYM CATER??? ??? ??????? ? ?? 😊 YOU 'D BETTRr taKE YhAT BSACk RIgHT NOW MiSTEER 😊 last thing I need right now is a reminder that L*ona’s actually a good mentor OTL

A Boy in Bloom, and his Flowering Future.

“What do you want to do in the coming year?”

"I don't want to repeat a year. That's it."

"Eh." Cater blinked. "You wanna run that one by me again?"

"Clean your ears out and listen carefully next time," the birthday boy retorted. "I'm not going to repeat myself. If you didn't catch it the first time around, then you've only got yourself to blame."

"Nah, I did hear you, but... Well, I guess it's more like a 'Wow, I can't believe this!' moment, y'know?" A faint chuckle emanated from Cater. "After all, you're kiiinda infamous for doing just the opposite! Like, you've already been held back once, and you don't exactly have the best attendance record for lectures."

"An old lion can still learn new tricks," Leona simpered, his mouth twisting into something coy.

"You seem super motivated now, Leona-kun! Did something good happen recently to jump-start this?"

"Good?" A scoff, dryly amused. "That's a stretch. Lotsa stuff happened this year, but I'd hesitate to call any of it 'good'.

"There doesn't have to be some big, fancy world-changing reason for a change of heart. I'm just sick of stewing in the shadows and gazing out to a barren pride land. It's about time for the sun to dawn on a new era—and I plan to be there when that happens."

“Ahahah, well~ Graduating’s the bare minimum for us students. It sounds like you’ve got even bigger goals than that.”

“When you’re as noble of a soul as I am, you’ve naturally got the ambitions to match,” Leona purred sarcastically. His voice was languid, like a cat making lazy strides across the floorboards. “Can’t just be throwin’ in the towel the moment the going gets tough. That goes for Magift and in real life.”

“Hmm? That sounds totes different than the you I remember from the interdorm Magift tournament.” Cater’s mouth pulled into a smarmy grin. “I could’ve sworn you gave up and had a meltdown when your plan was foiled!”

He received a poisonous glare. “You just have to remind me, huh? … You know what? Fine, have your cake and eat it. I’ll own up to it. ‘Sides, it was a long time ago.”

“Right, you’ve had a rebranding and a personality glow-up since. All that’s missing is the formal apology video! It’s a necessity for celebs that get cancelled for their #wicked actions.”

Leona scowled deeply. “Can it, I’m NOT doing that. And who’s a ‘celeb that got cancelled for their #wicked actions’?!”

“Really? Awww, but I bet you’d get mad views on it!”

“Tch, it’s things like this that makes maintaining social grace a real drag,” Leona grumbled under his breath. What I’d give to vanish to a remote resort, far, far away from the idiots I’m surrounded with…

“Anyway, nothing gets done if all you do is whine and then quit. People who don’t try can never achieve anything. They’re already down and out from the get-go.

“Cowards who refuse to look at themselves in the mirror don’t have a place in tomorrow. They’re stuck in the past, clawing for some semblance of hope, however futile. That ain’t me, not ever again.”

“Sounds like you’ve def had this on your mind for a while! You’re acting like such a cool and self-assured leader~”

“Please. This is to be expected of every leader. Even your Red Young Master would know this much.”

Leona leaned his shoulder against the school building. Folding his arms, he lifted his head up. “They’d know it too.”

Cater followed his gaze, meeting a vast expanse of the night. The sky was painted a deep black-violet, speckled in glowing white flecks. Stars—so many of them.

“The great kings of the past,” Leona said, his words tainted with the taste of something bitter. “When we pass on, we become a part of nature: the grass and the dirt that feed the next generation, the stars in the sky that light the way in the dark. The things that keep the world turning.

“In the Circle of Life, we all have our roles to play.” A smirk steadily grew on his face. “I know what mine is, and I intend to act on it. The highest point in the sky may as well be mine.”

His declaration resounded in the silence of the campus. One wish, resolute, uttered only for him and Cater to hear. In the quiet that followed, the green of Leona’s eyes flickered not with vengeful fire, but with a flame more thoughtful and warm and…

… the slightest bit vulnerable. A softness Cater had never witnessed before.

Leona-kun has changed a lot. He’s starting to be a little more honest with himself too. wonder if I could ever meet him on that level.

The thought was quickly shoved away, shelved back in the coldest recesses of his mind before it could properly take hold. The space reserved for the darkest parts of him, where truth soured and masks were neatly displayed.

Familiarity. Safety. Comfort. Perhaps what Leona would have called cowardice.

Cater swallowed.

“… If you ask me, you already shine like the star of a great king,” he said cheerily. “Just check out your birthday get-up! You’ve got the drip and the skills for it!

“I’ve got the skills to be a ball of gas in the sky?” Leona grimaced.

“Hey, hey! Let’s not phrase it like that! It’s so not a nice image to think about. Instead, let’s call it… a ball of stardust!”

“Why stardust?”

“I read in a horoscope once that the reason we can do fortune telling with the constellations is cuz people are made of the same stuff as stars are,” Cater explained with a sure wink. “Stardust! Our essence is the same as the what’s in celestial bodies.

“Don’t you think that sounds so much more poetic? When you wish upon a star, it’s said your name wish will come true—but since people and stars are made of the same stuff… then we should be able to make our wishes come true using our own power ⭐️”

“‘Fraid I fail to see the point of your whole whimsical after-school special. It’s obvious that it’s in our hands to shape the future, balls of gas or stardust or no. The great kings of the past can watch it ‘n weep.”

“That’s the spirit!! You got this~” Cater flashed an enthusiastic thumbs-up. “Go and get’m, Leona-kun!”

“You don’t need to tell me twice.” Leona peeled himself away from the main school building, his broom ready.

The birthday boy plopped down on his magical tool, brazenly using it like a sofa. It floated seemingly on its own accord, effortlessly supporting his full weight. Controlled, obedient—like a waiting pet.

“Oh, wait!” Cater called out, suddenly producing his phone. “Is it okay if I grab some pics of you taking off for Magicam? I’ll just need your handle to send you the…”

Resting an arm on his knee, Leona brought his heel down and grinded it against the handle. A signal, a cue, for the broom to kick into high gear.

WHOOSH!!

A shower of golden sparks exploded from the bouquet, and he smoothly launched into the air, his hair and the brim of his hat flying behind him. The violent kickback slammed into Cater, sending him falling back, his phone clattering to the ground.

(“My phoooone!” he wailed.)

With the shadows out of the way, Leona could see the stars for what they really were. Tens of hundreds of them, sparkling clusters in the inky night.

So many wishes. So many kings. Many, many things. Everything, everywhere, all at once.

A world waiting to be rewritten, to tell of his accomplishments.

“One day… I’ll be among them. They’ll tell stories about me, the greatest ‘king’ of them all.” This truth, Leona spoke to the stars.

The future was littered with prizes, and he was to be the main addressee.

[stepswowdsen]

【Magi】 JuAli Comic Idea (Dialogue Script) 🖤❤️💛

CW: R-15, slightly suggestive

I put my dialogue scripts and rambles under the cut as usual ✌️

Intro

(CW: Sexually suggestive, R-15 implicit warning)

(EDIT: 8/09/2024)

I also added rambles to this in the meantime <3

Had a jumpscare moment cuz I accidentally clicked the Delete button but thankfully didn't click Yes 😭

God I can't delete one of the most based things I've ever written!!!

Also, rereading back JuAli's scenes together in the Kou Empire, it's really so funny how empty Judar's threats and insults towards Alibaba are.

Sure, he tried to kill him before.

He'll get all hissy like a fussy moody cat towards him. But it's not out of genuine hatred.

JuAli are true opposites in terms of their personalities, morals/ideals/world views...

In JuAli's chapters together, I think it's sexy how Judar expressed his frustrations with Alibaba's character, basically, what he perceived as Alibaba's naivety.

Like, Judar is clearly frustrated by Alibaba's whole deal, being unable to understand Alibaba or really get what's going on with him (despite Alibaba being really straightforward as a person)

Especially when he has such a childish personality and black and white morals and worldview of boxing people into Strong vs. Weak.

It's like... At that moment, he (Judar) is not ready to face that.

Alibaba is someone that he clearly sees and perceives as "weak and naive" but also challenges his world views, cuz he just... does not get Alibaba's humble nature, at all.

In the sense of being frustrated by someone's bright (dazzling) radiance.

He understands and recognizes that Alibaba draws others to him, but just can't seem to understand why. It frustrates him how he doesn't get it. And that in itself shows a form of inner curiosity, a desire to know more.

I wanted to convey that feeling in my own dialogue scripts.

Judar's insults… They don't hold true weight.

Like the insults he throws are so empty.

It's so funny like he (Judar) says it with his whole chest.

...

I can't hide the image like you can on Discord with spoiler marks. So here you go!

I really love them so much... That's why I wanna draw and write for them more.

Recently revamped a JuAli dialogue script idea I had. Judar and Alibaba kiss with banter ❤️ 💛 I added more to it. I last updated it in December, so I might as well post it again since I added some new lines.

It's just them kissing but just gonna put a warning cuz it's kinda suggestive/sexually implicit though.

Yeah I think my moots know why I mainly post rambles on Insta and Tumblr, it's cuz I usually do long rambles for character thoughts + analysis, and Twitter's character limit is super annoying for that. I tend to post discussions cuz my friends have insightful things to say (and I feel like it flows more naturally in convo format than just to summarize what they said)

I need to talk more about my Magi faves on here (I miss them) because I had many thoughts while reading, so I just roughly drafted ideas right now. I need to write my character/ship ideas down before I forget.

JuAli core ship posts

Rambles

Anyways I made the 1st image's meme edit myself <33

JuAli with tan Alibaba so true~~

Me: I wanna say this tweet is JuAli but none of them would talk like that. They would so do this though

C: No this is literally Judar he just words it differently lmao

Me: YEAH HE'D JUST WORD IT DIFFERENTLY LMAOOO

C: YEA

Friend: PLEASE POST THIS PUBLICALLY SEN OMFG

Me: I'll consider it... Tbh I want it to be in drawn form if I post it publically. I could post the meme along with my arts in the future

The inspo for this idea

Me: It's based off this tweet LMFAO

Seeing this made me go like "Oh that makes me want to write dialogue now." Oh yeah I can draft some Judar stuff then. Then I wrote some ideas based on that tweet.

C: Omg

R: 😭 THIS MEME IS ALWAYS FUNNY

Me: Thinking about this again so I wrote a thing kinda based off it

JuAli but warning cuz it's kinda suggestive/implicit though

C: VALID

LMAO THIS IS PERFECT

Completely in-character for Judar

Me: THE WAY I'M IMAGINING IT IS SO. SPICY. NOW KISS!!!

C: VALID VALID!!

I imagine Judar wears something VERY similar to this hanfu (that I bought because it has Judar colours)

Me: I actually originally wrote Judar's last line as "Show me the kind of spark that charmed Hakuryuu so much." Because Judar makes a note in Ch. 266 that Hakuryuu is charmed by Alibaba in the fan-TL :) And also the official EN TL by Viz. They still keep it (whews) but remove the 1st mention of it, "What about Alibaba charmed Hakuryuu…"

But I don't tend to reference other ships in my ship stuff since I usually focus on ships solo. Like in my AU stuff, I tend to focus on just the ship/characters itself. Like I would rather deal with my multiships in their own separate AUs, since it’s easier for me to work with. I do love AliHaku though. But I liked that line so I still tried to include it though. NGNGNNG.

C: OOOH I SEE…. Valid as heck. It's a good one

My fave ship tropes <33

JuAli's "Love-Hate" relationship is soooo interesting to me <33 They're so sen-core.

Obviously they're more complicated than that but "Love-Hate" is just to simplify it

They're Enemies to Lovers too, but very different from LimGuda (Douman/Ritsuka) obviously. But they share most of the Sen-core ship tropes I love. I think JuAli has HoroRen (SK) kinda~ish vibes.

Like y'know. Yin/Yang. Light/Darkness. Protagonist/Antagonist. Angel/Devil. Enemies to Lovers. And then JuAli also has Fire/Ice going on with them. Sen-core meow meow mf/ship strikes again. I really adore JuAli and AliHaku, heehee. It's very typical Sen-ship trope core with their Sun/Moon/Eclipse symbolism going on.

My most favourite ships are usually Opposites Attract (the good kind). There are bad Opposites Attract ships out there obviously (charas who just bicker and literally nothing else). I'm just built different though. JuAli and HoroRen just fall into my kind of rather rough and violent end of Opposites Attract ships. Twink on twink violence is their love language /lh

I love Opposites Attract ships that are also combined with any of these tropes: Narrative parallelism (Yin/Yang, Light/Darkness, Sun/Moon tropes), Protagonist x Rival/Antagonist/Opposing Figure, Apoptosis, Reconciliation of Opposites, Fated Enemies/Rivals, etc.

JuAli rambles continued

Me: For JuAli, I feel like at first, Judar hates Alibaba with so much love. Like when you hate someone so much it’s love. And Judar would just constantly be like "I really don't get this guy at all" and "I don't understand what he's thinking at all!"

Tsundere catboy badboy is verbally harsh (violently tsun) and demands around verbally a LOT, like a needy cat that wants attention and affection.

I feel like in the early stages of them catching feelies they’d both be really awkward around each other and constantly headbutt each other… They'd always be pretty competitive with each other, like “Casual sex implies the existence of ranked competitive sex” vibes (LMAO) but they'd warm up to each other over time.

I'm busy so Idk when I'll sketch this all out but it was based off this idea I had in my head.

Judar is mostly verbally harsh (violently tsun) and demands around verbally, like a needy cat that wants attention and affection. And both of them are really awkward around each other. They'd always be pretty competitive with each other but they'd warm up over time.

Sen-core fave ship tropes:

Meow meow mf x ball of sunshine, morally questionable/morally bankrupt x morally agreeable, freak x freak who freaks them out (human that tames them), etc.

Because LimGuda, IdaTatsu, XanLena, and JuAli are all "Freak x human/freak who freaks them out/tames them"

LMAO

Freak x normie where the normie/more normal S/O has the freak ™️ on a leash

Re: My Writing Ideas

Me: I don't really post my writing ideas on main cuz my dialogue scripts are more like guidelines for me to practice writing dialogue for comics, and also to help me remember my art ideas. I write down my ideas so that I don't forget them (cuz they come to me spontaneously during the day), and also so that I can hopefully turn them into comics one day 🙏

My mutuals/friends can read them though! I post them because I'm not sure when I'll get the chance to turn my ideas into art form, and because I think the dialogue scripts are interesting to read.

Also me doing this still technically counts as a form of art. Even if they're written almost like play format, it's still a form of creative writing

I've definitely gotten sm better at it like I've been refining the way I write Idate's dialogue (and other WATGBS AU charas) over time

Because when I write these scenario ideas down, I think in terms of visuals. When the ideas come to my head, I imagine and see them all visually in my head. I'm a much more visual person, so I see things through visuals, and then try to turn them into words.

I think I first started critically engaging with and analyzing media at 18 (which is a good thing, because art is a form of expression and social commentary). I think I only really got good at doing media analysis at 18+ and it refined even more at 19 - 21+

It used to be so hard for me to put my thoughts into words, but I got much better at it through practice (by doing all the thought rambles)

But I'm literally so much better at analytical writing (ie. Series and character analysis, meta) than creative writing (ie. Novel and fanfic writing), so that's why I only do dialogue scripts. It'd be interesting to try and take up fanfic writing in the future though... But it definitely won't be soon, so I'll stick to my main creative form (drawing) for now

[fangs-claws-paws]

I wanna talk about space marines!

Guess a mix of headcanon stuff and just venting.

It's a little frustrating trying to talk with ppl about space marines cuz I have a very different view from the majority. Just I do see them as the opposite of the perfect victim fallacy, in that they all are created through intensive trauma and even abuse but don't fit the perception of what a victim should be. This isn't to say any are absolved of bad shit they've done, it's just they come from a deeply ingrained cycle of traumatic abuse that started long before most were ever born. Which does play into the larger narrative in 40k of cycles of violence and cruelty feeding into each other like an ourobourbos

Therein lies the rub, the frustration that I feel when I try and talk about or think about talking about space marines with most other people. There's the more tolerable, but surface level, of just space marines cool, which I can also agree with, but I know I can't really discuss with them the finer points I see. Then there's the side that treats them as man-babies or less than guardsmen, which is infinitely more frustrating. Not to imply guardsmen aren't the backbone of the imperiums military, but in a way they share the same traumas, and in some cases may have had it better when they were growing up cause they're weren't being molded into the perfect PTSD warrior. I find it more interesting to have space marines and guardsmen interact cuz you get these two very different life experiences trying to communicate or work together, with all the challenges that come with it.

idk, I just have a lot of strong emotions about space marines and I prolly get too upset over silly things like 'guardsmen/custodes/etc superior' memes. Not the best at explaining it over text.

[wixenburr]

YEAH FR I AM AGREEING WITH YOU ON ALL FRONTS!!! Just like lemme rant a sec as well LOL cuz i feel u so hard--- so like Tim... for a long time now in the comics (keep in mind Red Robin is from 2009) have thought of each other as brothers?? or at least Tim has on multiple occasions canonically referred to Damian as "My baby brother,". Like. They are FINE.

Seriously the hate on Damian for cutting Tim's line in that scene... Like sure, I get why it's dramaticized- cuz thats how Dick's parents died, yeah? Well, Tim isn't Dick, for starters. He was fine, secondly. And thirdly, as you mentioned, Tim is not blameless here.

They both fuck up, and they put it behind them. This does not define their relationship. Maybe it causes a little tension, but thats dealt with pretty quickly since Tim is made to understand Damian's point of view and stuff...

anyway yeah as someone who freaking LOVES the Red Robin comics (I own all 4 books) the amount that either Dick or Damian is blamed is... well honestly, its less about them and more Tim. It's kinda making Tim look like... well, a damn wimp!! Which is the opposite of what Tim Drake is in the Red Robin comics.

(ALSO just wanna mention, a lot of the times fanon says that Dick threatened Tim with freaking Arkham. Which is ridiculous. He said "There's a therapist in metropolis I'd like you to try meeting" or along those lines. a THERAPIST. in METROPOLIS. Literally Dick KNOWS Gotham ain't reliable!!! BRUH!!! lol...)

(ALSO ALSO at the end of the comic, we see Dick, even though he doesn't fully believe Tim yet that B is alive; we see Dick trusting Tim. Trusting him implicitly. That says something. Dick was just concerned about Tim; never really doubted his ability-- IN FACT Tim at one point TAKES DICK DOWN pretty easily, in like a little fistfight they had!!! SO YEAH. Stop putting my boy Tim down so easily, hes a badass and can fight his own damn battles!!! Damian being a brat (Which we love him for that okay we love him love my boy Damian) is NOTHING alright??)

anyway that was my TED talk thx 4 listening peace bb. Read Red Robin and Robin: Son of Batman mmmmmkay

I think I've never been more aware of just how many people only get their info of the batfam through fanfic. I finally started reading Red Robin (2009) and I can not believe how many things are blown out of proportion. Particularly about Dick and Damian.

First of all, Dick does try to put limits and he does get fed up with Damian's ways sometimes. Out of the three first interactions of them in the comic, at least in two he tells him to shut up. And one of those is when Damian starts to brag about being Robin and Tim being useless, he tells him to shut up twice.

Another thing about that moment, is that they treat it like Dick completely dismisses Tim and treats him as unimportant. He doesn't. He takes him seriously, he tells him he needs him, he tells him he views his as an equal, as someone capable. And he also tells him he's concerned about him and that he needs to start processing Bruce's death. Could that have been a little harsh? Yes, but he needed to do it without making Tim think there was room for him to be convinced about his theory because let's be honest, Tim would've taken anything less than complete refusal and tried to change his mind. And had he been wrong neither of them could have taken it.

Secondly, Dick is always left to shoulder the blame of kicking Tim out and of never reaching out. That's bull. And I need to make that clear. Tim was in a delicate point, he tells us this himself multiple times, but the decision to leave was completely made out of his own free will. Another thing he did was put space between him and the people on Gotham. We see only one time in which Dick tries to call him. Tim picks up and tells him he doesn't want to talk. This tells us that Dick respecting Tim's wish of space included almost no (or even no) contact, and Dick calling was not something Tim appreciated or encouraged.

Now. Going into the second year of the run, when he's back in Gotham, there's a few things to talk about and I'm still in the aftermath of Damian and Tim's fight.

I feel it's important to say that even if they are all family, more often than not they're doing their own thing. Like, Babs and Steph are in the Batcave while Dick and Damian are in Wayne Tower, Cass is said to potentially be in Hong Kong and we haven't even heard Jason be name-dropped except for the fact that he went on a rampage at some point.

So, Dick is immediately called away in League business. So he isn't there. Damian is behaving fairly civil besides being a brat, so no one wastes too much effort in correcting what he says. We need to think about the fact that this is a kid whose world was turned upside down multiple times in a short period of time, who has a need to be accepted, and who hasn't yet found his place. All this is to say, that if it's difficult to get him to eat breakfast there's no way they're controlling his every move and that's understandable.

So Dick is away, Damian is still trying to adapt, Alfred has his hands full and everyone else is doing something else.

The whole thing starts because Tim is being kind of cryptic about what he's doing with his hit list and Damian feels left out and goes looking for more. He finds his name in a hidden double side of the hit list marking him as a threat. He understandably feels hurt and angry, because he's a kid, and he's trying, and his predecessor who at this point doesn't even try with him anymore views him as something bad.

So in classic Damian fashion, he falls back on his upbringing and doesn't deal with the situation as one should, talking about it. Instead he cuts team line, hurting before being hurt. It could've been worse, we see in the panel that Tim doesn't have that much of a hard time getting safely to the ground. The problem is that he snaps and starts a full-blown fight he knows Damian won't back out off. (I'm pleased to add that after cutting his line Damian doesn't start anything else)

So they are fighting, Tim has the clear advantage and he knows this, we know this. And that's how Dick finds them. Having just returned from a JL mission, in the place where the Waynes were murdered, with Tim having overpowered Damian.

They go back to the cave and Damian shares his findings, and Dick understands. And Tim tells him he (Dick) knows why he (Tim) did it. Dick agrees, and tells him he should have tried to make it harder to find. Tim says he hadn't thought Damian would try or even care. Dick tells him Damian wants to be accepted.

All in all, so far the only thing this comic has proven to me is that there's a reason comics are the bomb and that fanon has gotten out of hand. I get making things out to be worse for the sake of a story, but everything surrounding these events is basically used as the foundation for Damian and Tim's relationship as well as Dick and Tim's and I don't think I've once read a fanfic where these events are portrayed correctly or even following the real motivations of the characters. This is a disservice to all of them and only serves to amplify the hate towards a character that doesn't deserve it. There's a lot of Damian hate going around. And it sucks. Mostly because people use his actions against Tim to justify it and honestly? I don't think you should be allowed to use that if you haven't read RR and understood what was going on.

[mysticalwaterdroplet]

WARNING! Looooooooooooong venting ahead about why d/h sucks. So if you ship it and have somehow Goren lost in this tag, turn around, cuz if you continue you might get hurt. You have been warned. Also I guess language warning and mature themes...? Just to be safe. I'd also like to give y'all a little side note: I guess I am what people would call a Hawks stan. I personally really like his character and find him intriguing, however I am completely capable of admitting that Hawks has done sum fucked up shit. I still however "stan" Hawks, so I'm going to show why d/h is shit from a logical Hawks stans point of view. Anyways, without delving too deep into the whole Dabi vs Hawks stuff, since I'm not here for it, I'm here to talk about the shitshow that's dabihawks. So, first of all I'll give y'all a lil back story as to why I'm here. Long story short: I accidentally stumbled upon some d/h art and people who still defend the ship (with already debunked theories mind you), I felt kinda sick to my stomach, so I need to vent. Like they were referring to the fight where Hawks killed Twice and basically said: "DiD yOu SeE hOw HaWkS wAs OnLy LoOkInG dAbI iN tHe EyEs ThE wHoLe TiMe. 🤪 ThAt'S sO gAy!?!?!??!??" Bish, where was Hawks and Dabi supposed to look at? THE WALL??? They were fighting! Of course they have to keep an eye on each other. They were also talking about how "DaBi JuSt GoT jElLy CaUsE HaWkS wAs HaNgInG oUt WiTh TwIcE, aNd Is JuSt ClAiMiNg HaWkS!" And they were saying so much more nasty shit that I'd like to write here, but I don't think I physically can, and I also want to spare everyones brains, cuz I already took the L, like if any of y'all know how to get back my brain cells hit me up. I also noticed a common theme of people making Hawks the bottom to like a point where they thirsted over the idea of Dabi "destroying" Hawks' insides, if you know what I mean. Which seems to be the opposite for many of you guys here with finding stuff where Dabi is the bottom? I mean I know many of you guys probably don't like Hawks, but you gotta admit that it's fucked up to think that these shippers think it's hot that one of the people in their makeshift relationship gets seriously hurt in the act without consent. Whether it is Dabi or Hawks they put in that position is irrelevant, they literally like the ship because it's toxic and someone gets hurt. Like in what world would Hawks let Dabi willingly even get close to him or vice versa. We all know damn well that they despise each other. Horikoshi has literally shown that these two never trusted each other, never even tolerated each others shit, so why oh why did this become a thing?! Also, and I know that this can sound annoying to some people... But as a Hawks stan, I don't understand how people can say: "YeAh, I sTaN HaWkS UwU 👉👈, hIm AnD dAbI dEsErVe eAcH oThEr AnD aRe So GoOd ToGeThEr." "ThEy DeFo FuKiN'! Is CaNoN! 🤪" Like:

So... Are we just gonna forget that Dabi literally burnt Hawks' wings off? (Which was understandable looking at the context.) Or how Dabi sent some goons after his mother? Or the fact that Hawks literally idolised the very man that Dabi hates with a burning passion? The shippers: "Oh, BuT hIs WiNgS wIlL gRoW bA-" Bish! The fact that Hawks didn't die or that his wings are allegedly growing back doesn't mean the ship is relevant again. Hoooooo... it's like I can't catch a breather once in a while. How are people trynna stan someone and then say: "Yeah, let's pair our favourite person with the person that is trying to hurt them." HOW!? My initial reaction when Hawks and Dabi interact is: "Fuck. Someone's gonna get hurt." Like if I could have it my way Dabi wouldn't be anywhere near Hawks, they are a danger to eachother. There is no damn way I'd want to see the character I stan for hurt, so why do so many damn stans ship it! I just can't wrap my mind around the "appeal". I just don't see the sexual tension that these people talk about. Anyway I could probably write a whole ass book as to why I personally don't like this ship

but frankly I don't wanna waste your time since it's toxic.

I would like to however debunk a couple of already debunked theories that people use justify the relevance of d/h.

The "childhood friends" theory: Yup. People still cling to it. However Horikoshi literally trashed, stomped on and lit the theory on fire. We saw that Touya went to a regular school and was trained personally by Endeavor. While Hawks was in the commission. There is no way that they knew each other. The way Dabi got Hawks' real name was through his mother. Dabi ain't dumb, he's actually smart and calculating to a point it's almost a little scary.

The "Dabi freed Hawks and Hawks will turn into a villain": Boi.... Dabi didn't free Hawks off anything. Dabi tried to kill him and exposed Hawks and his wrongdoings to the world. That ain't love. Hawks isn't even Dabi's main focus, Hawks is literally just one insignificant part of Dabi's plan. Also, like Horikoshi has wonderfully brought into light, Hawks would never turn to villainy. He didn't even kill Best Jeanist. And he's still, after everything, saying "Endeavor is in trouble." Clearly insinuating that he's going to still help Endeavor. This man is the last person to just become a villain. And people have the audacity to say he'd become a villain because of Dabi. I have no words.

Besides even if for example the childhood friends theory was true (which it isn't, but let's humour the thought) or even IF they were foils, it wouldn't change shit. We'd still be in this situation where they despise each other. Childhood friends wouldn't automatically mean that they'd get along as adults.

-------------------------------------------

Anyways, if you made it this far, you're a damn trooper. Thanks for letting me vent.

And as a short note to end on: I hope I didn't come off as too aggressive. That's not my intention here. Also the text is way less polished and thought out than I'd like it to be, but I honestly don't have the time or energy to give y'all a publishable version of "Why d/h sucks": the Book. So instead you get this. A hastily put together vent cuz I saw sum shit alright.

TLDR: People with a brain can see that these two aren't in love. There has to be some major mental gymnastics in play to get any whiff of chemistry from these two.

[fiddlepickdouglas]

Viva Las Vegas, Pt. 15 - Net Zero Change

Summary: Sunset Curve Alive AU, Willex, what’s the truth?, 2.9k

@trevor-wilson-covington​ is the bestie who makes these lovely edits, we stan supportive friends

WARNINGS: death mention, swearing

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14

Alex, Reggie, Flynn and Kyle all sat at a table inside the record store while Willie took care of closing procedures, currently sweeping up around them. Flynn sipped on her soda, eyeing everyone else with a mix of piqued interest and uncertainty.

“I can let you guys stay and talk for about another half hour, but then I’ve gotta kick you out,” Kyle told the three at the table.

“Thanks,” Alex said. “We really appreciate you being so understanding.”

“Not at all,” Kyle said casually. “And Willie’s in the clear, so long as he never pulls a stunt like that again.”

“Thanks for covering for me, man,” Willie said repentantly at Kyle’s rightfully miffed tone.

“I also covered the cost for that jacket, so you owe me for that.”

Alex looked at him, still unable to wrap what had just happened around his head. Climbing somewhere high and screaming felt like an ideal thing to do right then. He wasn’t angry - at least, he didn’t think so - but he still felt like a bottle of Coke that someone had just shaken and dropped a Mento into. His punching bag was already being worn down enough, but since he didn’t have his drums at home it had been a lifesaver recently.

There was Willie, right in front of him, like a miracle. He was so wonderfully unaware of everything, and there was no doubt he hadn’t forgotten Alex. It brought a strange sense of euphoria that battled everything else that had kept his mind dark for so long. He’d used to imagine running into Willie, even for a while after Caleb said he was gone, and thought he’d be the one to catch Willie off guard and rush toward him with joy. Mostly, he’d wanted to knock Willie off his board as slight payback for that one time, but also because it would’ve been satisfying to surprise him for once.

Kyle had gotten up from the table and joined Willie in closing up the store.

“So, you guys all know each other, huh?” he asked.

“Yeah!” Flynn exclaimed. “And I’d like to think that it’s all thanks to me,” she added smugly.

“How so?” Reggie asked in curiosity.

“I helped Willie get into Julie’s concert in Vegas,” she said. “And I’m the reason you two stuck around here.”

Alex looked at her in surprise. Without Flynn, he imagined going with Willie to the Stratosphere or anything else that night wouldn’t have happened. He owed her a serious favor; he wasn’t going to forget that.

“Are you sure you don’t have, like, magic powers or something?” Reggie asked.

Flynn only smiled and quietly sipped her soda again, keeping the mystique for herself.

As Willie disappeared into the kitchen to clean there, Alex looked at Reggie.

“So, do you have as many questions as I do?” he asked.

“Yeah, man,” Reggie said, peeking back toward the kitchen door. “I mean, does Caleb not know?”

“For someone out of the loop,” Flynn butted in. “What’s going on?”

Alex shifted uncomfortably in his seat and took in a deep breath. “So you know how we got signed?”

Flynn nodded. “Uh huh. And congratulations, by the way.”

Alex merely shrugged in acknowledgement.

“Well, the guy who owns the label used to be Willie’s caretaker.”

“Oh, I didn’t know that,” Reggie muttered. Alex suddenly felt a little guilty for missing that detail when talking with the guys.

“Yeah, sorry I forgot to mention it,” he apologized. “Anyway, the day that we signed on, Caleb personally told me that Willie had died in a fire.”

Flynn stared in disbelief.

“Wow,” she said. “That’s fishy.”

“No kidding,” Reggie commented. “But why would he do that? Caleb’s been nothing but good to us.”

“You guys should be careful. He was Willie’s guardian? If his story is that far off, I’d watch out.”

Peering over toward the kitchen, Alex couldn’t get a view of Willie at all. He was dying to hear his side of things.

“I guess we’ll have to see. Flynn, how are you getting home?”

“Oh, I was just gonna take the bus.”

“With your equipment?” he said, already worried. It was a lot for her to be lugging around, whether she could carry it alone or not. “Flynn, let us get you a taxi.”

She looked at him, and he expected her to protest and say she could handle herself. To his surprise, she simply huffed.

“You’re right. It’s getting late.”

“Yeah, and one of us could go with you to make sure you get home safe.”

“I’ll go,” Reggie volunteered. He glanced at Alex and it was clear he was giving him an opportunity.

“Thanks Reggie,” Flynn said. “You guys have gotta keep me updated with everything going on, though. I smell drama. A lot of it.” She finished the last few gulps of her soda and stood up to grab her gear.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, man,” Reggie murmured to Alex, patting him as he rose to help her out.

“See you.”

As he watched them make their way outside, Alex sighed.

“So, Vegas, huh?” Kyle said as he reentered the room, making him jump.

“Uh, yeah,” Alex replied warily. This guy seemed fairly nice, but he could never be too careful about how much he told strangers. He watched him dust the shelves, trying to relax in his seat.

“Willie doesn’t talk about it much, so I’m kinda surprised he had such a reaction tonight. I got the idea he hated the place.”

Puzzled, Alex didn’t respond immediately. He wondered what could’ve happened.

“Well, I’m sure he has his reasons. But when I met him we had a pretty good time.”

“Hmm,” was all that Kyle said as he looked into space thoughtfully before moving on to locking things up.

Alex realized then that he was the only customer left in the store and he’d simply let his friends leave him. His head was certainly not on straight. The time was nearly midnight, and the options of transportation and his experiences with them only dialed up his anxiety. Busses were just weird because everyone could watch him, taxis were expensive and he’d given most of his cash to Reggie, and the chances of having Bobby pick him up were very low.

“Hey,” Willie was standing over him, skateboard in hand. Alex looked up, startled once again, but the feeling of Willie’s hand on his shoulder softened it.

“Hey.”

“Where did Reggie go?”

“Oh,” Alex started. “He’s making sure Flynn gets home safe.”

Nodding, Willie glanced outside.

“What about you?”

Alex rose with a sigh.

“I’ll figure something out.”

They left the store and slowly walked to the corner. Willie still gripped his board as he gazed up at the red hand on the opposite side of the street.

“Do you...wanna walk with me to my place?” he asked Alex. “‘Cuz you look like you want to talk. Then we can find you a way home.”

Sticking his tongue in his cheek, Alex eyed him thoughtfully. It was almost like they hadn’t just spent four months apart - Willie could read him like a book.

“Yeah, that sounds good.”

Unfortunately, that made him stuff his hands deeper into the pockets of his jacket. He’d let himself take Willie’s hand before and have high hopes because he’d let himself ignore reality back then. Even when the guy who he admittedly still had a crush on was back from the dead, Alex didn’t want to tempt fate again. As they both crossed the street, he felt himself hunch inward just as he had earlier with Reggie.

“So, I’m guessing it’s a little weird to see me, since you thought I was a goner and everything,” Willie started nervously.

“Dead,” Alex said, looking at him seriously. “You were dead.”

Willie slowed his pace and sucked in a breath.

“Yeah.”

For a few yards they didn’t speak. Something ate at Alex’s insides, and he couldn’t put a finger on it. Change had always been his worst enemy, but this was a good change. Willie was alive, then he was dead, and now he was back. It should’ve been like net zero change, cancelled out like math. He should be fine about this, right? Why was he not fine?

“Alex, are you...are you mad?” Willie dared to ask.

He paused in his tracks, arms slacking against his sides. Looking over at Willie, then down at the sidewalk again, he nodded.

“Yeah, actually.” Immediately the eating feeling worsened. “I don’t know why that is, but you’re right. I am kinda mad.”

Willie furrowed his brow, but remained quiet for a minute as they continued walking.

“Are you mad at me?” he wondered aloud, finally.

“Maybe?” Alex said, feeling the temperature in his veins rise the more he went on. “That sounds silly, I know, because it wasn’t you who lied to me and put me through absolute agony for weeks on end. You were just the person I thought was dead and so every time I thought about you, it hurt. I don’t even know why it hurt so much. It’s not supposed to hurt when you’re still practically a stranger to me. All I know is that we kind of liked each other and then I thought I’d never find out anything else. I mean, we only knew each other for one day. One fucking day. That was it!”

Alex saw Wilie flinch at the unexpected use of language. A little too late, he realized he should’ve been more gentle. While it was true that he needed to finally release more than just self-pity, it wasn’t worth making Willie miserable for it.

“Wow,” Willie murmured. It already sounded more wounded than Alex could bear.

“That was harsh; I shouldn’t have blown up like that.”

He looked over at Willie to be sure he hadn’t done too much damage already.

“I can’t imagine how awful that was,” Willie said simply.

The pressure that had heated up his veins rapidly began to cool down as Alex realized he was handling this all wrong. He’d momentarily lost control and already saw its potential for harm.

“It’s not you I’m mad at. It’s Caleb.”

“That makes two of us,” Willie told him. “You want to know what really happened?”

“I want to know everything.”

They continued walking along as Willie seemed to try summing up the past few months properly in his mind.

“I don’t know exactly where to start,” he said.

“Well, why don’t you start where we left off?” Alex suggested. It was only fitting that one of them was walking the other home, just like they’d been doing the last time they’d seen each other. There was a funny sense of poetry to it.

“Okay,” Willie began. “I guess what really started it was when we were up on the Stratosphere, remember?”

“Uh huh.”

“I told you that I have amnesia because I had a memory come back.”

“Right, about your dad.”

“You remember this really well,” Willie commented. Alex bowed his head, feeling his lip curl the tiniest bit. “Anyway, I started drawing the things I remembered. And I mean, I drew every detail I could. Even though back then it was just the one about my dad and then the first time that I ran away from Caleb - ”

“Wait, what?” Alex blurted.

Willie cocked his head to the side as he tried to keep the narrative easy to follow.

“Oh yeah that was weird, I had this dream where everything was backwards and it happened like every night and it took me forever to figure out that it was a memory. Anyway, the reason I have amnesia right now? I was trying to run from Caleb because he was a total a-hole and then I got hit in the head!”

Alex looked at his casual expression with mild horror.

“That’s a lot to process,” he said slowly.

“Yeah, I guess he was putting on a face after that, because he didn’t really get nasty until right before I left him for good.”

By the time Willie finished dishing everything to Alex, they had been standing by his front door for a solid ten minutes. Alex could only stand there and let everything turn over in his mind like a taffy pull. Moreover, a pit of dread was forming in his stomach at the same time as a spark of joy grew in his chest.

“So...Harrison Ford?” he said.

Willie smiled. “Much cooler than Han Solo.”

“I still can’t believe you were literally planning to skate your way here. Even I would’ve ruled that out after a minute.”

Lifting a hand defensively, Willie opened his mouth but couldn’t find words.

“I - I will never live that down,” he chuckled.

Alex chuckled in turn. “No.”

For a moment he just looked at Willie. It was the first time that night where his vision wasn’t clouded with questions or overwrought with mixed emotions. This time, it was just as he’d seen him that first moment when they’d sat across from each other at the diner. That was ages ago, but it didn’t seem to have dimmed or faded one bit in Alex’s memory. Here, he was just Willie. It was so nice to see that again.

“What made you come to LA?” he asked. He shuffled his feet awkwardly. 

“You did.” Willie looked right into his eyes as he said it.

The words were plain and honest. Something swelled in Alex’s chest as he heard them. If anyone else had said that - the guys, Julie, even his sister Abby - he would’ve doubted it a little. That was the awful thing with his anxiety is that it immediately twisted everyone’s words into betrayal. Not Willie’s, though.

“Why me?”

Willie got thoughtful, eyes unfocused for a moment.

“I don’t know. I’d do anything for you,” he said, gazing back up at Alex again.

Alex shifted his weight.

“Because I helped you start regaining memories, right?”

It made sense that if he’d been in that position, the person who’d been with him in those moments would mean a great deal to him, too.

“No,” Willie said. “Just ‘cuz. I still like you.”

Alex blinked and his mind emptied of all thought - a feat he’d never imagined occurring. Soon he found himself caught looking into those brown eyes, and instead of wanting to throw in a line, he wished he could plant himself there and spread roots. If it were up to him, he had no desire to go back home and he would just stay happy where he was.

It took a while to realize that he’d slowly begun to lean forward, lips parted as he gazed down at Willie’s mouth. Their noses were just barely not touching, and they hung in the balance waiting for the other to cross that threshold. Willie looked vaguely hypnotized, if not a little indecisive. His thoughts finally caught up to his actions, and once Alex saw what he was doing he turned away.

Dammit, how could you mess that up, Alex? he berated himself. He was already so out of focus and not thinking about the consequences of his actions; he couldn’t go around treating Willie like something else to dump his turmoil upon. Clearing his throat, he straightened his posture. Willie nervously ran a hand through his hair, visibly confused.

“So....” Alex began awkwardly. “You have your own place?”

Willie nodded, not looking him in the eyes anymore.

“Yeah, it’s kinda nice,” he said plainly. “You’ll have to check it out one of these days. You could see Sheldon, too.”

“Yes,” Alex said quickly. “Yes, I would totally be down to come see you and Sheldon. That would be great.”

He hated that the natural cadence in his voice was so sarcastic sometimes. Right now, it didn’t sound genuine at all and he desperately wanted to convey how much he meant every word.

“Bet you’re sort of busy with the band and school and all, though,” Willie said, clearly a little despondent. Alex really wanted to go back and fix the moment they’d had before. He wasn’t making it any better.

“Well, I’m free all next Saturday. You’re not working, are you?”

“I can arrange things with Kyle to get covered. I’m usually on his good side and he doesn’t stay mad for long, so I’m not worried.”

“That’s good.” A pause. “So it’s okay if I come on Saturday?”

“Sure, sure,” Willie rushed to say. “I’m totally down for that. Uh...I just remembered that we’ve gotta get you back home. Did you know how you were gonna do that?”

“Uh yeah, I was gonna just catch the bus,” Alex said, entirely impromptu. After embarrassing himself so badly with Willie, he could override any fears about using public transportation. All he wanted to do was lift his hood over his head and pull the strings so it closed over his face.

“Got it,” Willie replied.

“But I’ll be excited to see you next Saturday,” Alex added. He saw Willie’s eyes light up a little and it made him smile in relief as he began stepping away from Willie’s door. Biting his lip in his usual cute manner, Willie nodded at him.

“See you then.”

Alex exhaled in excitement as he made his way up the steps to the street, barely able to take his eyes off Willie. Only when he couldn’t see him anymore did he force himself to turn away.

[k-liight]

important (?) life update

to cut to the chase, my life has been and is gonna be changing real fuckin quick. we're finally selling the rental house my dad's owned for years instead of continuing to rent it out to people, and he's gonna be moving in about 3 weeks like he's been planning to for a few years, but now the time has come. he actually caught the ✨c-word✨ a little over a month ago from his boss, who had it way worse and almost died, but he miraculously made it, though because of how rough it was to his body he's probably never going to work again, which leaves my dad out of a job. guess that might be part of the reason why my dad's leaving now and not even later, but I suppose things are finally falling into place for him, especially now that he's recovered. so that means my mom and/or I will have to find employment soon enough. and I guess that's all the most important information said and out there, but there's more to this ultimately, which I’m putting under the cut if you don't feel like reading a wall of text because it's more me just getting stuff off my chest than anything

unfortunately things haven't yet fallen into place for me like they have for him. I was hoping that I could have been out of here myself long ago, but of course, ✨the c-word✨ kinda ruined all those plans for me and threw them right out the window lol. thing is, this whole entire bullshit has put even more strain on my parents' already rocky relationship with each other and my relationships with the both of them, even well before he caught it himself. like as soon as shit started shutting down my mom practically forbid me from being anywhere near him- six feet my ass, we'd be on opposite sides of the fucking house or accidentally pass each other for half a goddamn second and she'd scold me like I just committed a felony; I didn't know he was there and I had to pass him to use the bathroom, whadaya want me to do, piss my pants? she'd make me fucking. go into HER room and keep me there whenever my dad wanted to use the kitchen just to keep us separated. she thought us both too much of dumbasses to not stay apart from each other, but like... fuck, man. and looking back, this isn't even all, she practically had this mentality for my entire existence. my parents used to have really terrible and verbally violent fights when I was a child, and I specifically remember one time overhearing my mom say something along the lines of her having the right to basically deny him of taking any part in raising me at all, and that he was only there to work to support us. what the fuck? my support goes out to single moms whose baby daddies (for lack of a better term) are absent or were obviously shitty/abusive, but if a child has two halfway decent parents I believe that they should both have equal effort in raising the child. I dunno if her views have changed since then (I was only in second grade or so) but it still stuck with me. that paired with her overprotectiveness makes it clear that she wanted control over me in a way right from the start. last night, I had a conversation with my dad after months of hardly being able to talk to him for various reasons. we had a talk about what we're both going to do once he moves, and he expressed his disdain at how my mom has more or less sieged control over my life and hasn't let him have much say in it. and while there were a few things he said I didn't agree with, they weren't the points of the conversation so I didn't find any good in causing unnecessary arguments about it. but there was something he said that struck me. I was saying how I'm gonna have to learn how to do shit for myself whether she likes it or not, and he simply said "and you have learn to think for yourself too." in any other context, I would have scoffed internally at such a thing. I have a mind of my own! I disagree with her on lots of things! the fact that we happen to share similar values that he does not share with us is just a coincidence the way I see it. but I realized that wasn't what he meant. it's nothing to do with politics, and it's not me having a preference for her over him (cuz I have no real preference). it's about me literally not knowing how to live my life for myself. almost every single decision I make, it's never about me even if it's supposed to be. "I'd do this or that thing, but what if Mom [insert negative reaction here]?" "I and everyone else needs permission from my mom to do anything with me because otherwise she'll get mad at us." "I know she doesn't like it when I ask too many questions, but what if I get this thing she wants me to do wrong? I should ask just in case." and, as wrong as it may feel for me to say this, this sort of behavior is exactly the kind of thing that someone who's been abused will do. my dad was under the assumption that I was simply prioritizing her wants and needs until I clarified that it's actually out of fear that I behave in this way. since becoming an adult, I've realized more and more things about how my childhood I considered normal was actually pretty fucked-up, and relating to more and more signs and symptoms of emotional abuse, but this realization... pretty much confirms it. it still feels weird to say though, because it implies that I hate her or that she knew what she was doing to me. I do love her, and appreciate all the good things she's done to help me, and I know damn well she cares for me. but the way she's raised me and continues to treat me to this day have had some obvious effects on my psyche. my dad said that the only way for this to end was for me to get away from it. unfortunately, that's not exactly possible right now because I'm financially dependent on her. so the next best thing is to set up my boundaries and demand she let me to learn all the shit I need to know in order to make it on my own, because I sure the hell won't learn anything from continuing to be sheltered. as for finding employment, I'll be restricted to in-town jobs without a driver's license (unless I can get ahold of the local transportation services, but I wanna work on my driving anyway, but THAT might become difficult because it'll be winter before I know it and winter driving is a whole nother hassle lmao) and I'm still debating on whether or not I wanna continue any more college, but yeah. I may continue to be sporadic depending on what happens after dad moves out, but hopefully now that I've been able to more accurately pinpoint all the shit in my life that's affected me today, I'll be able to work on fixing what should have been taken care of years ago and get a step closer to healing 💚

[winchester-with-wings]

I Saw You First

“An Angel & Her Assassin” sequel

Patron Benefit Fanfic for @softdudebro​!

Pairing:  College AU - Bucky Barnes x Reader

Author's Notes:  People have asked for sequels to this fic and I gave it a shot. I thought I'd dedicate this to Tomorrow since they like Bucky :) hopefully this is a good continuation and elicits some college feels cuz it definitely did for me! Hope ya'll like it!

Summary/Request:   The story of the first time you and Bucky saw each other but didn't actually meet. Then a flash forward to the present. smut.

**inspired by that one video of Seb working out** gif post

Word Count: 1700ish

Wanna get previews, early access and make exclusive requests? Become a Patron! You can follow my Patreon for free too as some stuff becomes public after a while. I’ll be adding a discord server benefit soon too!

Can’t become a patron? please consider a donation to my Ko-Fi (Tips are appreciated!)

Mobile Masterlist  /  Patreon & Commissions Masterlist

---------------------------------------------------

Bucky noticed you before he ever encountered you in the laundry room or the elevator of your dorm building. It figures that it would be at the gym, likely one of the regular places he frequented. Of course, you never knew this until after that fateful night at the Halloween party when you finally, truly connected.

When you asked him to tell you the story, he was playfully vague. But you know. You were there. You’d checked him out too.

Here’s how it really happened.

-----

The summer after your freshman year, you created another reading list to focus on. One of your methods to read these had been to take a book with you to the gym. You figured getting a little exercise at the same time would only help you develop better habits.

It worked, at first. The beginning of the new semester, you went to the gym for maybe two weeks? You enjoyed the ellipticals and recumbent bikes--the things that kept your legs busy but your hands and eyes free to read. It also distracted you from feeling self-conscious about the fact that you didn’t look like the other girls that came to the gym to socialize and work on their already-perfect bodies.

With the addition of classes, going to the gym became a harder habit to keep. You could just stay in your dorm room and read all you want, right? But by now, Rachel, your roommate needed a work-out buddy. Someone to motivate her to continue to go to the gym, as well. She claimed she wanted to get in shape for all the boys she’d scoped out at the floor meeting for the dorm during the first week of the semester.

“Let’s try the classes!” she suggested, pointing at the schedule on the wall. Step Aerobics, Yoga, Zumba, etc. They sounded alright, and maybe a change to your routine would be good.

So you started with the step aerobics class. You didn’t last long. You were breathing hard, face flushed and dripping with sweat. The blood was pounding in your ears, harder than the beats of music and every step on the hardwood floor and plastic steps.

You took a break, heading to the back of the class to get your water bottle. The back of the room was floor to ceiling windows and doors that faced the main area of the gym where all other equipment was. It took you only a second to realize why you disliked this set up. Everyone in the class, mostly other female students were in a fishbowl, on display for all the guys passing by or just blatantly standing at the windows. One guy winked at you and you scowled at him, effectively directing his eyes elsewhere.

What was so sexy about a sweaty step aerobics class? You thought to yourself as you turned to look at Rachel, killing it on the routine.

Oh, the butts, getting toned by the steps...Ugh!

You left after that, picking a leg press machine instead.

“Hey! Why you’d you leave?” Rachel asked after the class was over.

“Did you not see all the guys window shopping?”

“Uh, yeah, I got a number or two,” Rachel giggled, swinging her ponytail over her shoulder. You laughed as you got off the machine, offering it to your friend. She sat down and lowered the weight, significantly.

“I don’t come here to pick up guys.”

“You could if you wanted to,” she said, exhaling on the release. You just rolled your eyes. You told yourself it was because you didn’t have time for a man but really, how could you possibly expect to attract the interest of some jock? The guy that winked at you doesn’t count. He was disqualified the moment he decided to drool over a step aerobics class rather than work out. Your standards weren’t that low, seriously…

You and Rachel tried out a few more machines in the circuit, trying your own hands at strength training. But you realized quickly that you’d left the quieter space of the cardio equipment, too close to the weight lifting benches. Young men of all sizes were pushing themselves to the brink, breathing hard, grunting, exhaling, chanting, and egging each other on.

“Come on, Sam, you can do it! Just two more!” You knew that voice. Everyone on your floor knew Steve Rogers, quarterback, certified hunk and sweetheart. Or at least that’s what you had heard.

“He can’t do it.”

“Shut up, Buck!” a football player shouted as he pushed himself.

Too much testosterone. Intense. Stressful. Intimidating. That’s not what you wanted out of going to the gym. Quite the opposite really.

As you two left the gym, you made a mental note to avoid that area again.

-

The next class you attended was Zumba and not only did you keep up with it but you enjoyed it! The music was awesome and the choreography wasn’t too difficult. You could totally see yourself doing this again. But of course, boys… not men… boys…they ruin all the fun.

If step aerobics could catch the attention of onlookers, then zumba was like blood in the water for sharks.

Then again, you did feel sexy, swaying your hips, waving your hands, rolling your body. You decided to put the spectators out of your mind, losing yourself to a Shakira song.

When you left the class, having stayed for the entire thing and deciding to return tomorrow, you felt so good, so confident, that you didn’t care about who was looking. You were just in Nike leggings and a tie-dye shirt, hair up in a messy bun, nothing special, but you felt great.

“Hey, Rach!” someone called out for your friend, inviting her back over to the weight lifting area. The guy who called out for her looked familiar, someone that was likely found hanging out with Steve Rogers.

“Hey Sam,” she greeted him. You stayed by her side, holding onto that Zumba confidence with a steely grip.

You didn’t really listen to what happened between your friend and the football player. You saw Steve a few feet away with another friend. The man was on his back, legs bent and giant dumbbell weights in each hand. Your eyes went wide as you watched him push them up and hold them there. The way his arms were bulging in that gray t-shirt, he was straining himself and you were tempted to tell him to be careful.

“Give me one more!” Steve encouraged him. His friend winced as that last push was almost too much for him.

“Ah, fuck,” he hissed, exhaling and grinding his teeth. He pushed those dumbbells into the air once more and even a second time, then put them down with a loud thud as rubber met the concrete floor.

You didn’t have the best view of his face from his position on the ground and your standing position over 6 feet away, but that sound...like a growl, and his bared white teeth against that strong jaw covered in stubble…it’s a sound that stirred something deep in your belly.

He jumped to his feet and did a few quick squats in those black basketball shorts. You averted your eyes from his perfect ass just as he turned around.

You wouldn’t mind if he’d been watching you dance.

-------

“Ah, fuck.”

It’s the same sound that he made now as you sit on top of him, his hips thrusting up. His fingers were digging into your hips and would likely leave a bruise, but you didn’t mind. You were Bucky’s and he was yours. You’d staked your claim with that hickey on his chest just the other night.

“Mmph, fuck, damn it. I love it when you move like that,” he grunted. You rolled your hips, earning another moan from his lips before you leaned forward and pressed your chest to his, kissing him. He wrapped his arms around you and pinned you to him as he sat up and rolled over. The grunts and squeaks coming from the two of you as Bucky repositioned himself on top were ridiculous.

“Quit giggling,” he half-laughed. “M’gonna pull a muscle in this bed, I swear.” Your head hit the pillow with a ‘oof’ and another giggle. “Dammit, babe, you make it hard to fuck you when you sound that cute.”

“Then don’t fuck me…” Bucky’s hips froze, his cock buried deep inside you. His sharp features softened with outright confusion and a slight insecurity. You reached up to caress the side of his face, the stubble on his cheek itching your palm. “Make love to me.” Bucky released a heavy sigh, rolled his eyes and collapsed on top of you.

“Don’t mess with me like that, Doll,” he whispered into your hair, using your new favorite pet name. His slow thrusts picked up again while he kept his face next to yours. You held onto him for dear life as the tension inside you continued to build until your arched back signaled your release. Bucky kept pumping until the lasting effects of your orgasm sent him over the edge. Rather than stopping completely, he slowed down until the only movement was a twitch of pleasure every now and then. “Oh my god,” he whispered, peppering kisses on your shoulder. “I’m taking you to dinner.”

“Why?” you laughed.

“I’m sorry, darlin, are you turning down a free meal? Is it the company? Do you just use me for my body?” Bucky climbed off of you but you reached out for him; He stumbled as he fully ejected himself from the bed.

“Nonono, that’s not what I said!” you said, as you continued to laugh. “I’m just wondering...if that’s your way of paying me for my services,” you wiggled your eyebrows, a hint at your teasing. Bucky snapped a finger and pointed at you, putting on his own mock serious face.

“Hooker, I’m taking you to dinner because I want to.” Having cleaned himself up, Bucky tugged on his basketball shorts and a t-shirt he’d left in your dorm room the other day. The boy considered your floor his own personal closet. “We’ve stayed in, ordered food and watched movies and you’ve even helped me with my papers. You deserve to go out to an actual restaurant.”

“Okay, well, we should probably shower before we go out.”

“Oh, I agree but I can’t share that shower with you. It was too dangerous the first time. Never again.”

You picked up your towel and toiletries as Bucky sat in a bean bag chair on your floor. You tapped him on the nose.

“Never say never, Buck,” you said with a wink.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tagging: @abbessolute​ @book-loving--anime-chick​ @faithtrustandpixiedust95​ @fabinapercabeth4179​ @thinkwritexpress-official​ @autoblocked​ @therealcap​ @mathle0matle​ @whoopxd​ @bookworm4ever99​ @geeksareunique​ @bucky-plums-barnes​ @pottxrwolff​ @ravenhaviland​ @melaninspice11​ @feelmyroarrrr​ @fvckingavengers​ @officialcaptain-marvel​ @sebbytrash​

[therodrigator6]

Well, hello there fellers.

You can ignore this text post if you want, it comes straight from me, completely outside of Drawings or Proyect updates.

I just really felt as though I needed to take the time to write up my thoughts into a, very possibly, LOOOOOOOOOOOONG post, since I have a LOT on my head right about now.

So, my melancholy, rather depressing, but perhaps amusing, musings, under the cut.

Right, so my whole string of thought was sort of just... proppeled out of me reminiscing about the past... 2 years, maybe year and a half.

I got thinking hard about She-Ra again, LMAO. and I know, I KNOW, why am I even thinking about that damned show again.

BUT, I was really thinking hard about how much I went through, positively I mean, how much growth I had (Around my art and my vocation obviously) with She-Ra.

And really, if you were to scour through my blog, if you went back all the way to... maybe it was late 2018, early 2019, when I posted my first fanarts around She-Ra, you’ll see how far back I was, skill-wise. I mean I wasn’t exactly a beginner, but I weren’t no Grade A artist neither.

And PRIOR to all of that I had more or less drawn fanart intermitently.

Anyone who followed me back when I made RWBY stuff, specifically Whiterose fanart could attest to that. I wasn’t consistent at all, and I experimented more often than not with every single drawing I was making. And don’t get me wrong, I really enjoyed drawing stuff for RWBY, I sort of miss it now LMAO.

But I can certainly see just HOW POWERFULLY drawn I was to She-Ra, because my output of content and the growth of my skill as an artist was EXPONENTIAL. I suppose in a way I owe it really to MY sudden... obsession? Fixation? on that show.

VERY HONESTLY, at this point in time, I feel like I could REALLY speak on what things drew me to She-Ra, and precisely what things KEPT me there. IDK I think it used to be a very special little show.

On one hand? I really had just decided to watch it because I was starting to fall out of love with RWBY.

RWBY WAS a show I’d also loved, and which also meant a lot to me, but the things that MEANT a lot to me, were just not given the story I would’ve been interested in. That AND the small fandom space I’d carved out for myself was getting even smaller. Smaller AND very... toxic? Uncomfortable? I felt as though... my efforts and my involvement in that fandom were neither welcome nor appreciated at one point, let alone the fact that on the SHIPPING side of things, it stopped being fun.

So there I was, starting She-Ra up. I’d known about it for some time before, and I’d *Heard* that it was a fun good show, and most specially... *With an active, HUNGRY fandom, raging about a very popular Ship*. So I thought to myself, YAY, I’ll watch this show and I’m REALLY gonna do my best to go for everything popular.

I was tired of unwelcoming fandoms, tired of enjoying the very little measly, *Unpopular* things about shows, this was all about having a GOOD time. And maybe finally getting my works out, really finding a motivation to create stuff.

I mean in hindsight, now I know I fucked myself over MANY times.

You see because, as soon as I started watching She-Ra, I TRIED to do something different about the way I consumed shows.

In the past I used to be VERY ship-centered about my show experiences, to the point were FANON-Ship-centric relationships with shows would make the stories I was watching really boring and bleak in comparison. I had been afraid at the time, that THIS would also ruin She-Ra for me. So I really thought about... NOT tainting my vision and perception of the show with... Fandom stuff, Fanon or Ship-centric views, NOT EVEN CREATOR INTERACTIONS. I really tried to watch it blind and enjoy it for what it was.

Fool I was, I should’ve done the opposite.

It’s a tired old story, and a really redundant thing for ME to talk about. But I really felt a DEEP disappointment with She-Ra. Akin to LOSS almost.

Cuz you see, for a year and a half I ended up CENTERING myself on She-Ra, on more than one level.

On one hand, I TRULY believed She-Ra was a show with a story that I loved, there were plenty of characters that REALLY spoke to me. Characters like Glimmer? for example? And her storyline? for me are *one in a million*.

Of course I’m... REALLY compacting my She-Ra experience. I had come to appreciate MANY things about it. It’s world, it’s story, the characters, the comedy, the animation, the people who loved it and grew because of it, etc.

Furthermore, once my initial *doubt* about the show had passed, I really immersed myself in the fandom side of things. And I gotta say, I really enjoyed it for as long as it lasted. I think I experienced a new level of feeling like I *belonged* in a community, and a feeling that people LIKED what I did for it, and that people wanted MORE of ME in it.

Alongside that, and going back to animation. Geez, She-Ra came at the best *or worst* (depends on how you wanna look at it in hindsight now, LMAO), time of my life.

Literally on the verge of me finishing up with Prepschool and having to chose a career for University.

Prior to She-Ra, I really was trying to pinpoint my vocation, and animation had been in my mind for a LONG time, since Steven Universe really.

AND... Idk, AGAIN, THERE WAS SOMETHING ABOUT SHE-RA... which told me... “This is important”. Animation is important, being able to tell tales for people is important. Telling tales for people who need it, or people who don’t often get to tell tales is important. This medium is BEAUTIFUL, I MEAN, LOOK AT EVERYTHING IT CAN SPAWN OUT OF PEOPLE.

So it helped me make THAT decision.

Also alongside these things well... I go back to all of that about “Belonging”, and “community”.

Boy I met some of the most amazing friends I ever have in my life. People whom I respect, people who I admire, people who thought like me, liked ME, enjoyed this show, etc.

OF COURSE, at the time, and I really should’ve known better. We met out of our mutual LOVE for Glimmadora, LMAO.

ME? FALLING IN LOVE WITH AN UNPOPULAR SHIP? Who’da thought.

AND I DID SO, *DAMN NEAR DIVORCED FROM FANDOM* LMAOOOOO, you can see how my “I’ll learn to love whichever aspects of this show I’m *gonna* love, outside of fandom influence” policy really just fucked me in the ass.

AND GOD, DID I *LET IT* BE A PART OF ME.

That comunity, those friends, that ship, that show, those creators. It was all I thought about, and it DROVE me. so much so I put up with so much shit from my University. I put up with so many bad things in my life that were going on because of that show.

And I see now that many of those friends I mentioned did too. GOD, how I wish... we just hadn’t.

I think... for most of us things had already been pretty shit, not gonna lie.

There was the pandemic, for a start. Prior to May the 15th I had an uncle of mine die of COVID, which shook me to *my* core, but dear old She-Ra and the Glimmadora fandom gang were there to cheer me on. (This was around the time really horrid people in the She-Ra fandom, whom LOATHED Glimmadora with a passion were making “Glimmadora shippers must have Covid, since a symptom of Covid is a lack of taste” Jokes btw.)

And I think of my friends also, who have always spoken to me about their problems and their lives. For all accounts I think, they’d always had it harder than me, and they found themselves a WILL and a DRIVE to go on... through this, through She-Ra, and our friendship.

Then May the 15th came and it’s all been going downhill from there HSEBRGJKSEHRBGKJSERHGBJK.

I mean... I understand NOW, just how DAMAGING for myself it was to... cling so much to that show, to all of it. NEVER should’ve connected the drive of my vocation to it.

Cuz yanno... even if I HAVE continued to grow and get better the past few months, some things haven’t changed for the better.

For instance, I basically LOST my entire space here, in fandoms, in ejoying shows. I LITERALLY ONLY CREATE NOW... Either out of spite, or for my friends.

There is a VERY DEEP loathing now within me about stuff like... Catradora for example. I hate it, it makes me feel disgusting, simple as that. And THAT kind of feeling isn’t welcome here, also simple as that. So I’m out of a space and that hurts.

PFFT, basically all the pieces I produce now, which I still do with a She-Ra theme. Nobody’s gonna wanna consume MY content anymore, and they don’t. I made sure they couldn’t because I knew, I wasn’t going to be able to stomache this She-Ra fandom anymore.

That’s been another thing too. I don’t like being a contrarian, I don’t like being the guy who thinks the thing everybody loves is bad or wrong, and if I could SO HELP ME GOD, I’d change my entire view of it all. I don’t really care about being right or wrong anymore, I just want that peace of mind back.

HELL, there were people I knew since 2016 almost, who kinda just told me...

Shut the fuck up or leave.

On some cases I shut my mouth, on others I just left.

And yanno... I do feel miserable about it. But it also makes it all the harder when I think of my friends?

GOD DAMN, EVERYTHING THAT *COULD* GO WRONG, WENT WRONG FOR THEM.

ALWAYS, for all of my friends. And even through the hurt, I sit here and think, well I think I still have hope! I think I still have a drive to go on and persue animation  and tell good stories.

But I understand now... that *I* have a priviledge over my friends. The priviledge of support. I’m not REALLY alone, there’s people helping ME.

My friends don’t have that, and I can’t give them that, how I wish I could.

And it does just HURT only being able to tell my friends, “HEY! Have hope things’ll be better!” And then we all turn to the only beacons of hope we shared, and seeing them all dull and out of light. No Glimmer of hope.

Like, how do you tell people to hold out, to keep fighting, to keep trying to STILL CHASE THEIR DREAMS... When you can’t even help them keep their heads high when they’re trying yo get a damned job. When no matter how much THEY try they keep getting knocked down.

When there’s no longer a space were they feel confortable sharing their creations, because everyone they had ONCE tried to please with them? suddenly decided they were of no value.

So here we are.

I’m starting up a new semester in a couple of days, hopefully building myself up more to chase MY dreams... whilst all my friends suffer and can’t chase theirs.

Shit’s fucked. I wish I could do more.

PFFT, I guess, long story short:

Life unfair, Me Sad.

Me Angery, Me Bitter

Me Lost, They Won

Boohoo I guess.

SO ANYWAYS... I really just... needed to put these thoughts out in words. Scream to the void as it were.

I can’t wait to go back into discord or twitter or tumblr and see how my friends can’t catch a fucking break.

And how things will continue to get worse before they get better.

God I hope they get better, for all of us, if not atleast for them. They’ve already gone through enough.

[bigskydreaming]

Scoooooooore! LOL gotta love that wayback machine. Anyone remember me talking once about this series I did back in the Dark Angel fandom, one-shots of varying length focused around Max’s family who we never really saw much of in the show? So ever since then I’ve been trying to find them anywhere, since it was before Ao3, I didn’t use ff.net for that fandom, and all the fic sites and archives that were DA specific are pretty much dead and gone-zo nowadays.....but I kept coming up empty, mostly because my dumb ass wasn’t remembering my own titles correctly. So then I started searching by plugging in actual lines I could remember from the fics themselves, and that worked, and quick question self, but explain to me how it is you can remember LINES you wrote in individual fics almost a decade and a half ago, more clearly than you can remember the freaking titles of those fics themselves?

Ah, me.

Course, I still only found half of them, but that half includes most of the ones I really like best, and of the ones still lost the only one I’m really bummed about and still trying hard to find is “Little Lightning Girl,” aka Jondy’s story.

Its always a trip reading really old stuff of yours though. I’m surprised, like, there’s stuff I’ve written from around this same time, both fanfic and original, where I’m just like YIKES, no, hard pass, we’re just gonna pretend this wasn’t a thing....but most of these hold up surprisingly well? I’m pleasantly pleased? Chuffed, almost? 

Zane’s “Zen and the Art of Not Breaking Your Customer’s Fucking Face (remember: its bad for business)” is a definite keeper, heh, I amuse myself tremendously sometimes. 

Zack’s “Rules for When the Sky is Falling (plus side: this time its not your fault)” is a little weak in spots, like there’s stuff that in hindsight I could see easily strengthening the arc in that one but I’m wondering how much of that has to do with changing/evolving views on character types in general....just because Zack was never a fave of mine back when I was watching then, but falls into a character type I have a lot more appreciation and empathy for now, and that definitely would have led me to write his story differently now than I did then. 

Ben’s “They Keep Calling Me Crazy (I say: its the world that’s gone mad)” is kinda the complete reverse.....Ben falls into a character type I have soooooo much less patience for nowadays than I did back then, mostly because of well. The over-glorification of such characters and me being like okay but what about yawn though. Reading his took me back more fully to that mindset than I’ve managed in years though, so it didn’t annoy me as much as I thought it would lmfao.

Tinga’s “A Storybook Kind of Princess (a Grimm kind of happily ever after)” is as weird to me now as it was back then. Easily one of the most experimental “I have no idea what I’m actually aiming for here, just go with it” fics I’ve ever written, and apparently fifteen years later, I STILL can’t decide if I think it worked and I actually like how it came out or not. Hahaha, what is decisiveness though, other than a myth and hashtag Fake News.

Kavi’s “I Never Learned How To Play Ball (striking out comes naturally)” is still one of the weakest of the series, that hasn’t changed.....I didn’t have a really clear idea what I wanted to do with him or where I wanted to take that and that unfortunately kinda shows and the re-reading didn’t really spark anything in terms of what I would definitely have done differently if writing it now.

Vada’s “Chase Me To The Desert, Watch Me Live, I Bet I’ll Thrive (you better believe: I was born to survive)” is the complete opposite, because its another one of those very experimental pieces where I was totally winging it because we knew next to nothing about Vada in the series and I totally just pulled everything about her character and an entire storyline for her completely out of my ass and said sure, why not go with this, but surprisingly it worked I think, and it feels disconnected enough from the rest but standing alone well enough on its own that I can probably do something original with it, as I actually really like the voice I came up with for her.

Eva’s “Big Sisters Know Best (so when I say I’ll die for you: just say thank you and never look back)” I’m actually damn proud of, because its always fun when you successfully sucker punch yourself, let alone with a plot twist you don’t see coming on the reread even though you came up with it in the first place, lmfaaaaaao, and you’re like well hot damn, I do NOT remember doing that but guess I did, wow, go me.

But the big winner for me was Syl’s “The Kind of Girl You Bring Home To Meet Your Parents (when you’ve got the kind of parents that need killing).” That was always a fave, and I’m super stoked it held up as well as it did, cuz I’d hoped it would but wasn’t sure if I was just remembering it through nostalgia-colored glasses and it hadn’t actually been all that great. 

(One of the three longest ones in that series, it was a one-shot a whopping 30K in length, in which Syl wants to hijack the local mob’s operations in order to gain access to a Manticore facility in the same city so she can blow it to kingdom come, because Syl’s a little bit crazy in that ‘I know I’ve got issues and I’m totes fine with them, especially as long as I’ve got my trusty grenade launcher’ kinda way....and so to accomplish her goals, she seduces the son of the local mob boss in order to get close to his father and the inner workings of the mob. Only she eventually realizes this kid is a fucking innocent in every sense of the word, wants nothing to do with his family or their business, hates his dad, who’s abusive as hell, and once Syl concludes what she came there to do and has everything she needs, she’s halfway out the door - well, window, technically - before she stops and groans and bangs her head softly against the wall cuz she’s like, uggggh fuck, he’s totally gonna get blamed for this and his dad’s probably gonna kill him and my Jiminy Cricket’s gonna be a fucking BITCH about it forever, so, well, looks like I don’t have a choice, guess I gotta murder his dad and overthrow the mob so he can skedaddle and live a quiet life on a farm in Bumfuck, Whereverville, god, I so did not need this tonight, thanks a lot conscience, like DID I FUCKING ASK, UMM NOO?)

So like, I think that one’s got definite potential to do something else with, possibly turn into an original project, lol.

Anyway, randomness is random, but yay Wayback machine! Still kinda bummed that I could only seem to find half of them, you’d think that’d be enough to make it easy to find the other seven but nope, apparently not. Its really only Jondy’s fic that I still really want to track down though, the other six I could live without. Okay, I kinda want to reread Brin’s and see how that one holds up too. Okay and Jace’s so never mind, scratch that, still wanna find all the other seven, lmao. (I did NOT make it easy to keep track of anywhere I was or anything I was doing fifteen years ago. The mutuals on here who knew me all the way back then can attest to that, lol. Ah me, part two).

[assless-chapstick]

Hi you said daddy kink and Charles in the same sentence so here I am. I can talk about that literally forever. Also, how is the John/Javi/Arthur action? Does Javi makes Arthur a bit softer with John? The opposite? What about Arthur and Javi?

God that’s something, ain’t it feller… something I never really considered… but now that the wheels is turning….

I think Arthur and Javi have such different ways they treat John, it takes a long time before John is ready to like, get together with them? Cuz Javi is really really new to kink, he doesn’t get a lot of it… Charles is new to it too, but the pain and bdsm stuff all really appeal to him. Javi doesn’t like pain play or traditional D/s stuff at all, and he’s really scared of it and doesn’t understand it

Like he’s grown up thinking even the feelings he has, these bondage fantasies, wanting to tie his partner up and fuck them, wanting to play with knives and consent, he feels so wrong for that, and can’t possibly understand not being ashamed of that, or of anyone actually enjoying receiving that. So when he sees the bruises Arthur leaves on John’s body, googles the kind of shit Arthur and John might get up to, he feels a little sick.

He loves John so so much, he can’t imagine hurting him like that, especially when he can’t imagine the John he knows – soft and sweet in a sweatshirt and stockings and cotton panties and slippers, his hair in a scrunchie, biting his lip like a virgin as Javi goes down on him – can’t imagine being cruel to John in that way.

But I think eventually, he gets…. Curious. Asks Arthur if he can join them, maybe just to watch, and Arthur is fine with that; it’s John that needs convincing, cuz John is afraid if Javi sees that nasty, dark, disgusting, fucked-up side of him, he won’t want John no more. He likes being Javi’s good girl, doesn’t wanna change that..

Eventually though, Javi wins him over. They sit down with Arthur for drinks to talk about it before hand, of course, and John gets a little drunk just so he can handle the embarrassment as Arthur spells out exactly what might go down – they talk safety and safewords, what Javi can expect to see, signs John is having a good time vs signs he needs to stop, etc. They also make sure that Javi knows he can safewords, too, if it gets to be too much, and that makes him a lot less nervous.

So they decide that Javi will just watch, this first time, just to see how it goes, see if he can handle it… and Javi loves John so much, quietly decides he’s gonna sit thru this no matter what.

When they finally get to it, Javi almost pulls the plug immediately, cuz the first thing Arthur does is slap John across the face and grab his hair, pull his head back hard so he can growl in John’s ear… press a hand against John’s collarbone, nowhere near his neck but close enough to have John’s breath picking up and his eyes going wide… and for a second Javi is super scared and worried so he kinda just blurts out, like, “you ok, John?”

And both Arthur and John turn to look at Javi, and John smiles and gives him a thumbs up, tries to nod even though Arthur’s hand is still in his hair, and his smile is so bright and genuine Javi is kinda soothed by it… what matters to him is John having fun.

And I think Javi finds he…. Kinda likes watching. Gets hard watching John suck Arthur’s strap, seeing the muscles in his jaw and neck work as he takes it deep in his throat… likes to see the way John twitches and rolls his hips against nothing as Arthur teases him, likes the soft, breathy, punched-out sound John makes when Arthur says like “look at you, cocksucker, all wet and leaking just from sucking dick. You gonna show him? Show your little boyfriend what a nasty slut you are, how much you like getting railed, what a cock-hungry cum-guzzling bitch you are?” like Javi didn’t really think he’d like this, couldnt fathom it… but watching, rather than performing it, and seeing John enjoy it is … sexy to him

and all throughout, Javier will interrupt quietly, just to ask like “you good, flaca?” or “are you having fun, babe?” and every time John nods and whimpers and looks at Javi like he wants him desperately.

Eventually, Arthur makes John crawl up onto the bed and… present himself, face-down ass up, so Javi can see his skinny little ass in full view… he’s still got his panties on, with a big wet stain where he’s been leaking pre this whole time...

And that’s when John starts to cry, just a little, cuz he’s so embarrassed, Arthur making him bare himself like that for Javi… and Arthur grabs John’s panties and tears them, literally tears them in half and off and tosses them aside…

And then Arthur is spanking John’s ass with his bare hand until it’s red and hot-looking and Javi is feeling Some Kind Of Way… Then a Arthur spreads John’s ass-cheeks and spits right on his hole, pushes a pair of fingers in quick and mean and John moans in a way that goes right to Javi’s gut… he had to press a hand against his dick, still in his jeans, cuz he can’t handle it..

It’s something about the watching that has him so hard, something about how John blushed and whimpered, about how John has a hand on his ass, spreading himself so Arthur can finger fuck him hard, get him close to the edge before easing off, til John is biting the blankets and shaking his head like he can’t take no more… and all Javi can think about is how hot John looks when he’s enjoying himself and how he wants to make slow sweet soft love to his girl…

And then Arthur just looks over at Javi and super casually, as he’s rubbing a soothing hand over John’s red, bruised, stinging ass, just “you wanna finish him off?”

And John is all red and rubbed raw and whimpering and covered in spit n sweat n drool and Javi wants so bad to be sweet on him, especially when his cock is so red and hard and leaking and he looks desperate to come, so of course Javi is on the edge of the bed in a second, running his tongue over John’s taint and up through the crack of his ass to start eating John’s ass, real slow n gentle… gently massagings John’s sore, aching ass cheeks as he eats him out…

And that’s how John cums, shaking n whimpering n shouting as Javi eats his ass, with his face pressed against Arthur’s thigh where Arthur’s cradling John’s head in his lap now…

And John cums so hard he’s shaking, and he just reaches for Javi and clings to him and Javi goes, lies down beside him so John can burrow his face in the front of Javi’s shirt… John doesn’t usually like to be touched or cuddled after, so he kinda just lies there shivering and inhaling Javi’s warm, familiar scent, Javi’s thigh tucked between his own – Javi doesn’t even mind that John is getting cum on his jeans, he’s just happy to see John happy.

Arthur brings them some water and a couple of granola bars, and John lets Javi feed him, put a sweatshirt on him and wipe his face with a warm damp cloth

And Arthur just goes like “jesus, he really is sweet for you,” and John just gives Arthur the finger and curls up against Javi’s side all soft and content and then Arthur is like “scoot over, it’s my bed,” and they all lie on the bed together and Arthur puts on great British bake off but eventually John is sucking Javi’s dick, making those sweet little sounds like he couldn’t be happier and Javi is all “that’s it, go slow, you’re so sweet, you’re so pretty like this” and tucking John’s hair behind his ear and then it’s Arthur’s turn to watch…

Hopefully that answers the question, feller!! It seems like Arthur and Javi work in tandem to balance one another out!! And I think, after seeing the way Arthur treats John and the things that get John off, Javi feels a little better and a little more comfortable telling John about his… knife fantasies….

Anyway, thanks, mister!!

[thattimdrakeguy]

There are Steph stans that dismiss your reviews because you like Timkon and shouldn't have "opinions on Steph storylines regarding Tim", but you're a Tim fan and if something interferes with what's supposed to be written correctly concerning his character then obviously you'd have opinions on it. I think it's because you actually recognize what's wrong and point it out vs caving into the fandom mindset of worshiping Stephanie for some reason.

I wasn’t sure rather to answer this or not, because I’m tired of all the Steph related asks, cuz I just end up repeating myself a lot, and I’ve been constantly bullied by them lately. Which bugs me, and turned me into a nervous wreck each time I see an ask cuz freaking stop bullying me cuz I don’t agree with you. I may delete them, but I still have to see them in order to delete them.

But who ever this is, really needs to realize that, I’m not going to hate a Steph story because Steph is in it.

If I can’t hold her to the same standards I hold to anything else then they don’t have a point to try and bully me from a far like that. They’d be literally just plugging their ears and playing dumb.

It’s

fucking

fiction.

Like I’m just reviewing things in which I read. It is not some personal attack.

Ya wanna know when I started to not like Steph? When I actually paid attention to her stories, noticed inconsistencies, inaccuracies, out of character moments, and stuff in general that makes sense to not like.

Like if they really think I’m not allowed an opinion because I’m a TimKon fan, then they just have their head up their ass.

It’s not a logical conclusion to make. Which makes it illogical. Which means if they’re being serious they shouldn’t say it.

In this stupid “ship war’ I don’t care. You’ll barely see a TimKon post from my blog. Why? Because I don’t care about ships, I just have a preference.

If they’re so detached from logic that they actually think everyone operates in the same obsessed way they do, where I’d suddenly crap on any Steph appearance because she’s a girl Tim dated or what ever, then I can’t imagine them being a joy to talk to.

They’re freaking making stuff up about me just to give themselves an excuse not to listen. That’s a bit nutty.

Like if they don’t read it, I don’t really care, because who honestly cares that bad if they don’t, but just trying to say rude crap like that makes them more toxic then they’ll admit.

I just go about everything with the same standards. I don’t bother with bias’s. I’ve said opposite things even regarding a few things just because I can recognize my own bias’s. I’d probably be yelling a lot more about a variety of different things.

If they view me as a TimSteph “hater” then they can piss off. I only made as many posts on it as I have cuz I kept getting asks.

Not like I’m shitting on it just as a thing to do, because I really don’t care about it. I don’t like it and that’s it.

Not everyone operates in the same nutty fandom way.

The amount of people that get mad at me, just because they assume I do, is headache inducing.

[normal-thoughts-official]

Pornstars!AU where Magnus and Alec have been shamelessly flirting for sometime but haven’t done a scene together even though everyone has been clamoring for it. They finally get together and it is...wow! Everything and more. Alec makes Magnus cum so much that he’s shaking by the end of the scene and Alec has to stop a couple of times cuz Magnus’ cunt feels so good and he knows he’ll cum too soon if he keeps going.

god, the rest of the world wishes they got anons like mine. ilysm. please keep these coming, y’all

okay, so i’m thinking - camboys instead of pornstars? just because i think with like Actual Big Budget Porn it would be harder for this to happen, like, organically, with the director being there and there being like a script and shit

but it could be indie porn, or just big ole’ cam stuff. In the cam stuff case they would be pretty much responsible for themselves so i guess i’m going with that? anyway.

alec’s a bit more seasoned than magnus is, so when magnus starts doing cam stuff alec’s already got kind of a fanbase. magnus watches his stuff sometimes too - look, he’s only human, and Alec is hot and has a nice dick, and isn’t afraid to moan like most toppy guys are, and he just likes the way Alec seems to just. completely get into it and melt and relax. and he says some filthy things to the camera, too, smirks at it and asks how they like seeing his touch his dick, tells them he wishes he had a warm mouth to fuck into instead. and magnus is into that stuff, sue him.

alec also does a few feature films, sometimes. not all the time and there aren’t many “regulars” but he does

magnus doesn’t really. he doesn’t feel comfortable yet, and he likes to feel like he has some control. he’s been in some pretty unpleasant situations with camille - not related to sex work, actually way before he started working with that - so he likes to protect himself. not to mention being a trans brown guy - and a bottom - in this line of work can bring some unpleasant situations (when doesn’t it?) if he isn’t careful, so he won’t trust just anybody to do a feature live with him. 

what he does do, though, is take requests. that’s what gets him most of his money, really, and this way he gets to choose what he takes or doesn’t take - but usually people are reasonable, and generous, too. also, there’s something hot about touching himself exactly as someone says - it’s no secret he’s a sub, and he enjoys being told what to do, watched and praised by his followers. the money and gifts don’t hurt, either. all in all, it’s a win-win arrangement, and he enjoys it a lot.

he also does some Q&As sometimes, and at some point, someone asks him whether he watches other people. magnus mentions alec, which is- really not a big deal. he’s pretty popular and well-known, it’s not weird.

after that, he gets a request to film himself jacking off to one of alec’s videos.

he takes it.

and it EXPLODES

the fact that alec’s name, which is a pretty well-searched term, is in it, helps, of course. the algorithm shows it to more people. but the video is also just plain-old good. magnus moans so prettily and is very responsive to the stuff alec says in the vid, and he’s clearly very lost in pleasure and he just looks beautiful. 

up to this point, he wasn’t very popular, but he had his little niche of fans who were pretty loyal, and very generous. gotta have some incentive, after all.

but with that video he skyrockets and gets a lot of new subscribers and yup alec sees it

(cue, like, ten hours of him salivating) 

somebody eventually asks alec whether he’s seen the video and alec’s like “hm yes” and kinda smirks at the camera like “you know, if you ever wanna do a feat, hit me up” and everyone loses their fucking shit over it, of course. two of the hottest camboys on the site! and they have a similar style and kinks and you could just tell, like, that their chemistry would have been amazing

the clamor for them to do a feat only rises and rises so eventually magnus ends up messaging him and they start to talk. but he doesn’t want to do a feat, at least not yet. he doesn’t feel ready as a whole and i mean - alec is cis and white. he’s gotta make sure he’s comfortable

and alec is super understanding and never pressures him or even asks him about it, really, they just start to talk. so they’re like chatting privately and quickly becoming friends, and also doing this whole thing where they’ll flirt like crazy on camera and leave messages for each other and stuff, because 1- it’s funny; 2- it draws attention when they do it and that’s more money for the both of them. 

they don’t really flirt when they’re chatting privately, though. they just talk like two people. eventually they even exchange phone numbers so they can talk better. they become actual friends, and they talk about everything from their work to just silly stuff. magnus tells alec about his plans to become a pharmacist, about his studies on medicinal properties of snake venom, but they also talk about stuff like the shows they watch, how annoying alec’s sister izzy is, they probably play something dumb like online uno once and almost kill each other. alec also gives magnus some tips since he’s a bit more seasoned. they also laugh at the little jabs and flirts they leave for each other in their vids, you know, stuff like that

anyway, it’s kind of a more slow burn thing, especially for magnus - who’s still a little wary - but they’re slowly falling in love, in that way that feels so natural that you don’t even realize it for a while. they meet a couple of times, and don’t do anything - they just live in neighboring towns, or maybe the same, big city? anyway - they just hang out and talk and laugh and it’s cute and fun

eventually magnus decides he trusts alec enough to try, especially since - well, alec’s hot. and they are, hm, compatible, sex-wise. so they sit and have a talk and discuss what they are willing to do or not and kind of reach a few agreements, you know, that sorta stuff. very professional and all that.

well, they do the do and it’s like holy shit. it’s electric and they have so much chemistry and understand each other so well, which - shouldn’t come as a surprise since they’re friends, right? but it does, and magnus, like, completely forgets about the camera tbh - which is the opposite of a problem because it only makes him more vocal and loud and everybody loves that

and at this point magnus is kind of touch-starved because damn, it’s been a while, and alec is all like “fixing that is my number one purpose in life”, so he touches magnus all over, runs his hands over his body, shows him off to the camera a bit (he’s lucky and he knows it, all right), kisses him, pulls his hair and fucks him good. and magnus comes and comes and comes until he’s pretty much a crying mess, and alec has to frequently slow the pace and pretend he’s doing it just to tease magnus and hear his needy little noises (and he is, at least partially) but really he’s just gonna come at any minute now because magnus is so fucking beautiful and feels so fucking good under him

eventually the video ends, and magnus is just lying boneless on the bed, all like “holy shit,” and alec is just like “damn, that one got a lot of views, i think it might have broken my record already” and that’s when they both realize that they had, like, completely forgotten about how that was just a work thing, they were so wrapped up in each other. and that’s probably when it dawns on the both of them that they may have fallen in love.

fun! terrifying! but fuck their lives, right, because the horny community is very into this stuff and it was, objectively speaking, fucking amazing. cue them becoming sorta friends-slash-coworkers with benefits and, hm. pining.

(i just love mutual pining okay. let me live)

they usually save the kinkier stuff to do on camera but they begin to- have sex off-camera. just for fun. scratching an itch! and in the off-camera sex they are just. clearly making love. like clearly. there’s no other way to describe the way alec holds him, or the way magnus moans alec’s name, or the reverent touches alec leaves on him that are just slow and feel imprinted all over magnus’ body. but neither of them really realize that

until, i guess, at some point they’re doing some request that’s more vanilla and they forget the camera’s there again and they end up having that almost heartbreakingly tender sex? and everyone is like “hm,” and eventually afterwards they both watch the video and are like “oh fuck”. magnus is like mortified because it’s so obvious that he’s got a crush god damn it, but then alec asks him out and oaduhsudajsdams look i love those idiot nerds. anyway that’s a happy ever after for the both of them and they become the porn world’s most amazing power couple the end

[shall-we-imagine]

And I'll still love you. (Klaus Goldstein x Reader *AU*)

Sequel to Mess me up.

In which Klaus gets back with his ex.

Jk I'd never 😂👌🏻

Genre: Angst/some fluff?

A/N: This is long, and I mean long, so strap yourselves in I guess? CuZ iTs A lOnG aSs RiDe (A Mark Lee tribute 👌🏻)

Also guys we have a lil Cedric (from BIR) cameo here so um idk there's that ig 😂😂

(Second Person Point of View)

"Okay, one day left till finals; you guys know what that means!" Zeus smirks, though the only one that knew what that means was apparently Luca.

"This time; we're not getting kicked out of the VIP lounge." Luca points an accusing finger at Zeus.

"It's not my fault you lied about our identities without letting me know that I was a famous producer and not just a fucking college student!" Zeus growls.

The intense argument only grew louder from the two opposite sides of the table, isolating you and Klaus from the rest of the group in a strange way. Everyone knew to ignore when Luca and Zeus started arguing, so Amelia and Guy - on the other side of the table - were already having a separate conversation, leaving you and Klaus in an awkward silence (If you ignore the two yelling dorks, of course).

As frustrating as the awkwardness is, you'd already decided to ignore the blond ever since the incident, and no amount of awkward can change that.

It'd been around five days since you even looked him in the face, and he didn't seem to be planning to fix anything. Sure, he constantly looks uncomfortable, and you're sure he knows he fucked up, but that doesn't change his lack of attempts to even apologise properly.

"Hey, what's up, you guys?" Scarlett beams, sitting next to you. Elias, Yukiya, and Augustus take seats around the table as well. "Sigurd's still busy with some work at the library, but he'll be here soon." She announces.

"Anyway, this time we're not going into the VIP lounge; you can get kicked out alone if you want to, but I'd like to keep my dignity!" Zeus crosses his arms.

"Which club are we visiting anyway?" Luca looks around the table.

"None! We're supposed to be studying!" Klaus snaps, earning confused looks from everyone. Sure, it was a logical statement, but his sudden outburst left everyone at a loss of words.

"Don't be such a killjoy." Sigurd's voice is followed by a chuckle. He places himself in the empty seat between you and Klaus; however, you could still feel Klaus stare at you for a bit after it.

"He's right though. Finals start in like two days.." Yukiya states, to which Elias nods.

"Yeah, I need to revise." The younger blond agrees.

"It starts in a week for Amelia, Guy, Augustus, and I." Scarlett shrugs.

"Yeah, we're in." Guy grins.

"Sorry, guys, I don't think Yukiya and I will be joining; we still have stuff to study." Elias gives one of those polite frowns, where you know he's not disappointed about missing out on any of that. Knowing Elias, you can tell he's probably pleased to spend his day in a library instead of a club, and normally, you'd agree; you enjoy peace, and it's never too fun to be in crowded places.

However, you need to do something fun to get your mind off of Klaus. If he's gonna be a dick then so be it; you have to move on.

"I'm coming." You shrug. Part of you wanted to turn to check Klaus's reaction, but you stayed composed.

"What?!" He semi-shouts, but immediately clasps his hand over his mouth, clearly embarrassed by his accidentally loud reaction. He clears his throat, "I mean, you're in the same uni as these dumbasses and I; you start finals the day after tomorrow! What do you mean you'll go clubbing today? You should be studying!"

"What makes you think I have any studying left? I'm already done." You weren't gonna bring it up. You really weren't. Not in front of everyone too, but before you could think it through, you found yourself quoting him from that night. And it wasn't a lie either, you spent your days binge studying to keep your mind busy, so at this point, you really needed something else to keep you occupied.

Something flashes in his eyes, recognition maybe: you weren't sure, but either way, he stays silent. And perhaps you should've left it at that, but the built up anger inside you is now clawing its way out.

"Plus, even if I haven't finished studying; what is it to you?! Who even are you to object and involve yourself in my life?! Mind your own business!" He, once again, doesn't respond, but this time it wasn't because he was caught off guard. He just seemed slightly broken, but in the midst of the fury and anguish you felt, you couldn't care that much.

"Um, what's up with the weird tension between you guys?" Zeus lets out a nervous laugh. If Zeus was giving nervous laughs then it was definitely obvious to everyone how serious whatever is between you and Klaus.

"Haven't you two been ignoring each other a bit too? Like you guys used to be super close." Augustus points out.

Amelia's eyes meet yours, and she immediately gets the memo. "You guys are crazy; they're fine! They've always argued a lot; it's how they are! Can we focus on who's coming and who's not?" You give her a small smile, as to say thank you.

Scarlett catches on to the silent conversation between you and Amelia, immediately joining in. "Yeah, don't worry too much; we've seen it happen a lot! So, yeah, let's just focus on what's important here."

"Uh, sure." Zeus lets it go. Luca, Guy, and Augustus were smarter than that, unfortunately; they remained skeptic. Regardless, none of them make any further comments.

"I've also done my studying, so I'm good to go, as well." Sigurd shoots you a wink, earning a giggle in return. A genuine one, which you were thankful for. It made you relax a little after that rage you let loose on the blond jerk.

Klaus slams his fist on the table, "Fine. I'm coming too."

"Man, could you fucking chill; you're starting to sound scary. More so than normal." Luca complains but moves on to deciding the time and place to meet.

Your eyes drift to Klaus, who was already looking. You quickly look away, unsure why your heart suddenly leaped into your throat.

You avoided looking in his direction for the rest of the gathering.

▪︎▪︎▪︎

"You're not gonna tell me what's up with you and Klaus?" Scarlett glances at you before looking back at her own reflection and applying highlighter.

Amelia sticks her head out the bathroom door, one eye lined perfectly till the wing while the other was left with a random stray streak as if she rushed to the door at hearing Scarlett's statement, and in the process fucked over her left eye. Of course you know that's exactly what she did.

"Um, excuse you? I think you mean us??"

Scarlett sighs, "You're not gonna tell us what's up with you and Klaus?"

"Nothing." You apply your favourite lipstick, absolutely pleased it goes perfectly with your dress. At least one thing is going right here.

Scarlett frowns slightly, but doesn't push it.

"You're so full of shit." Amelia chuckles before pulling herself back inside.

You roll your eyes at her, but a small smile tugs at your lips.

"Who's picking us up?" You wonder.

Scarlett clears her throat. "Well, we initially asked Sigurd, I swear, but...well, um, Klaus insisted..."

"That's fine." You put on your best nonchalant expression.

As if he calculated exactly when to arrive, Klaus calls Amelia's phone the second you're done fixing your hair, aka the last step to getting ready. Excluding shoes, of course.

"Can someone pick up? My hands are busy!" Amelia yells from the bathroom.

You glance at Scarlett. Also still busy.

Not wanting to sound even more suspicious, you force yourself to pick up. "Hello?"

"He-..(Y/N)?"

You swallow awkwardly, "um, yeah, they're not done yet. Are you here? Like, um, to pick us up?"

"No, I'm here to hand you your mail, (Y/N)." You don't need to see him to know he's rolling his eyes.

"I meant are you here already?"

"Yeah."

Amelia sticks her head outside the bathroom again, this time with both eyes looking perfect. "Invite him up here." She smirks, wiggling her eyebrows. "Unless, of course, you have a problem with Klaus being in your apartment."

You throw a pillow, and it barely misses her face.

"Hey! That could've ruined my make up!" She yells but doesn't come back out again.

You considered inviting him like she said, but just the thought of it brought back too many unwelcomed memories. You blushed and immediately decided against it.

"Hello?"

"Oh, sorry, um, I'll just come down and keep your company till they're done, okay? Bye!" You hang up, leaving him no chance to reply. It was already awkward enough.

You slip your feet into your high heels, grab your purse, and head outside- not forgetting to remind the girls to lock the door before leaving.

If it were for you to decide, you'd let the jerk rot in his car as he waits for the three of you, but for the sake of letting things go smoothly, you decide it's for the best to try to make it seem like you don't wanna punch Klaus in the face.

Quickly enough, you spot his car. Also quickly enough, you notice the familiar fluffy, blonde curls you were so used to running your hands through. He looks as handsome as usual, but that hurt you in a different way this time. Sure, everytime you noticed how attracted to him you are, you'd be upset, solely because he's not yours to admire this way. However, today, it hurts you because everytime you look at these perfectly drawn features, a few written words come to mind.

He notices your presence but says nothing. He just stares at you with an unreadable expression.

Not wanting to look odd just standing in front of your building's door, you stiffly walk to his car as fast as you can without face planting into cement.

You take a back seat and say nothing.

Klaus lets out a slight, humourless laugh. "What's that? A back seat? You always call shotgun."

"Wasn't feeling it." You shrug and pull out your phone, using it as your own personal don't talk to me sign.

Unfortunately, Klaus doesn't care about any signs you're giving if it doesn't match his desires. "You look pretty, but with a dress like that, people will mistake you for a prostitute. Couldn't you wear something more revealing??" His voice dripped with irritation, an irritation you couldn't understand.

"Excuse me? My dress is fine; not everyone is a pervert, but you wouldn't know, would you?!" You clap back, not in the mood to let him take out his anger on you.

"Are you trying to call me a pervert?" He laughs in disbelief.

"I didn't say that, but, hey, if the shoe fits, feel free to wear it."

"That's what I get for trying to make sure no one hurts you?" He complains.

"Well, too bad you already did." You spat, tears blinding you momentarily. You hated yourself for letting this escape your lips, but it ended up silencing both of you for a few moments, allowing you to regain composure before the girls hop into the car.

"Uh, what's up with the weird vibe?" Amelia raises an eyebrow.

Scarlett sighs from the front seat, "I don't even know anymore."

Neither Klaus or you respond, so, naturally, the conversation died, leading to a rather quiet ride, excluding Scarlett and Amelia's countless attempts at making it less awkward.

"Finally! I felt like I'd suffocate inside from the tension!" Amelia stretches her arms happily once she leaves the car. It's safe to say...she wasn't the only one happy to exit the metal cage of awkward.

You meet up with the rest of the group before going inside, which wasn't all that helpful, since you lost each other fairly quickly.

Thankfully, Amelia and Scarlett were still with you, and finally, you were ready to block all thoughts of a certain blond and enjoy your life for the time being.

As planned, the three of you were already singing and dancing your hearts out after a few drinks, not a care in the world. You didn't have time to think about what Klaus is doing or how much of a dick he was to you.

Well, until a familiar guy approaches you. And perhaps Klaus shouldn't have been the one your mind drifted to, but that didn't stop you from letting the blond you'd ignored all year try to flirt with you for the billionth time.

"(Y/N)! Didn't think I'd see you here!" Cedric yells over the music.

You tried your best not to roll your eyes, "Yeah, me neither."

"Wanna dance?"

"I'm sure you can see I'm already danc-" both girls nudge you. "Sure. I'd love to dance." You force a smile, not skipping glaring at the girls before following Cedric a little further away from them. You weren't sure why he dragged you away, but you also couldn't care less; being near him was already annoying enough, so it really didn't matter.

The only reason you found yourself agreeing to this nonsense is that you know how much Klaus dislikes it when Cedric flirts with you. He always claimed that Cedric only cares about looks and that you should stay away from him, which normally you do. Mostly because you don't enjoy his personality, or the lack thereof.

However, something about being with the guy Klaus would most hate for you to be with just made you feel pleasure. It was like you wanted to piss him off, even though he really couldn't see you anyway, but you so desperately wish he would.

The dancing got really awkward really quickly. Cedric was already getting touchy, and he didn't seem to catch on to how uncomfortable you felt.

"Could you not fucking do that?!" You aggressively push his hand away from you.

He frowns, "Do what? We're just dancing together. You agreed to that."

"I didn't agree to you groping me though, did I?"

Before he could respond, your eyes drifted to Klaus, who was sitting at the bar. He'd just spotted you.

And maybe common sense would say to just ignore him.

But no.

You look Cedric in the eye, pull his face closer to you, and smash your lips together. You can tell he was confused but quickly recovered, using both hands to pull you closer to him by the waist.

This could've went on for longer if you weren't harshly yanked away from the blond.

"What's wrong with you?!" You try to pull your arm away from Klaus's grasp, but the furious male didn't budge. He didn't even respond; he just pulled you away.

"Klaus! Let go!" You try to wriggle your arm out of his grip. As annoyed as you acted, a huge part of you was extremely giddy. You can tell he's furious, and as sadistic as it sounds, it makes you happy. Your mind didn't seem to catch on to how awkward it would be next time you see Cedric; all it could focus on was that Klaus is jealous.

He only lets go of you outside the club; the sudden change of temperature causes your skin to tingle with goosebumps. You rub your arms to keep yourself warm.

"Bloody hell. I told you that dress wasn't a good idea." Aggressively, he marches to his car and opens the trunk. He pulls out a jacket and wraps it around you.

Blushing lightly, you clear your throat. "Um, thanks."

"I'm not done. What the fuck were you doing with Cedric, (Y/N)?!"

You roll your eyes. "Exactly what you saw."

He nods, letting out a humorless laugh. "Okay. Let me rephrase that: why the fuck were you kissing Cedric?"

Smirking, you poke his chest and whisper, "Because I wanted to."

He grips your hand, "No, (Y/N), you didn't. You hate that guy."

"Well, why does it matter? Why do you care?" You pull away.

He stares at you in silence for a few seconds. "Get in the car."

Not even waiting for a reply, Klaus walks over to the driver's seat.

"What?!"

"I said get in the car. Passenger's seat this time." He shuts the car door.

You snap out of your confusion when his engine roars, pestering you to get moving. You rush and follow his instructions of not sitting in the back seat.

"Where are we going?" You ask.

"You'll see." And with that, neither one of you spoke a word to the other.

***

"I'm not going for a swim with you, Klaus." The moment your gaze met the familiar lake, you were ready to bawl your eyes out, but you kept it together.

Leaving his seat, Klaus sighs. "Calm down. We're here to talk. Like we always do."

Leaving his jacket in the car, you take a deep breath and try to hold yourself together. You can't just break down now. You block away the memories of every other time you and Klaus came to this place.

You sit down on the grass but make sure to keep a distance between you and the male.

"Because it wasn't obvious enough that you're mad." He sighs.

"What do you want, Klaus?"

He looks away, "It's more about what I don't want...I don't want to lose you."

The butterflies went wild in your stomach, leaving you with a clear shade of pink on your cheeks. However, this isn't enough for you to move on and forgive him, so you do your best to keep a stern look.

"Why did you lie to me, Klaus? You don't have feelings for me, and...and I already knew, but part of me wanted to believe you, and you weren't making it very easy to reject you. You could tell I had a crush on you, and you decide to manipulate me into having sex with you?! And you have the guts to criticize Cedric? You're even worse!" Well, there goes your perfect make up. Perhaps raccoon eyes could be the new trend; you can totally pull that off.

His eyes glisten, and you almost want to take back everything, but you have to stand up for yourself. He can't just walk all over you like you're the old weelcome doormat some unknown person placed in front of your apartment door. Who the fuck misspells Welcome? Why the fuck would anyone buy that? Why place it in front of your apartment? Why haven't you thrown it away? All unimportant thoughts you'd rather talk about right now than have to deal with Klaus and this emotional mess.

"I didn't lie to you. And you went out of your way to kiss that douche bag, didn't you? You wanted me to see."

"Are you fucking kidding me, Klaus?! You're trying to make it sound like I'm wrong now?!" You push yourself off the ground, the blond immediately following.

"Listen, okay? This isn't what I meant! I just- I'm still being petty about it, alright? I wanted to punch him square in the face."

"Well, you have no right to be even mildly annoyed. Leave me alone." You start walking away, but he gets a hold of your arm.

"(Y/N), could you just let me explain myself, please?!" He snaps.

"No, Klaus, all you do is blame me; fuck off." You push him away. What you didn't prepare for is stumbling backwards towards the lake. High heels deciding to join The Klaus Movement of Being a Dick to (Y/N), you quickly find yourself falling off the edge.

Panic-filled eyes follow your movements. Klaus's reaction came late, and by the time he grabbed you, he was already falling into the freezing cold water with you.

Surrounded by fear of drowning, you involuntarily call out for Klaus.

"(Y/N)?! (Y/N)!" Klaus's nervous voice echoes around you, but in the middle of trying to stay afloat, you couldn't decide where he was.

So, naturally, he had to be the one to find you. His arms wrap around you, trying to pull you closer to him, but the way you kept flailing your arms wasn't helping him. "Hey, hey, (Y/N), it's fine."

Eventually he was able to snap you out of it and hold you close to his chest. "There, it's okay. You're safe with me. You know I'll always make sure nothing hurts you."

You'd begun to calm down, you'd begun to forget about the dumb note, about him manipulating you; you'd started relaxing in his embrace, but his last statement brought you back to real life. "Let me go, Klaus." You try to pry yourself away from him.

"(Y/N), you can't swim! What are you doing?!"

"Just let me go, Klaus! I'm fine!"

"Didn't seem like it when you started calling for me!"

"It was a mistake! Just let me be!" You begin pushing him away again.

"(Y/N), fucking stop! You'll hurt yourself!" He grips your wrist tightly.

"Fine!" You stop struggling. "Just take me to the edge."

He remains silent. "You're not gonna leave the second I put you back up on land, are you?"

"What? Of course I will! I can't stand looking at your face." You turn your face to the side.

"That so?"

You roll your eyes and begin facing him. "Ye-"

He forces his lips onto yours, leading you to push him away with all your force, this time allowing you to break free from his grasp and latching onto the edge.

Furious, you find extra energy to easily pull yourself up and onto the grass. Unfortunately, your strength was immediately gone after, and this is when you couldn't take any of it anymore. You lost it all.

"Why do you keep ruining my life? I never asked for this." You sob. "Tonight, all I wanted was to have fun and forget about you, but no, you had to ruin things for me again! Look at me! My hair, my make up, my dress, my whole fucking night is a mess! And it's because of you!" You point an accusing finger at him.

His head drops in shame, and he slowly climbs to the edge near you. You start to get up but stop when you hear his shaky voice.

"Wait! Please..." His voice cracks, "I won't touch you anymore. I will drive you home. Just please...please let me explain first; hear me out."

"Get it over with, Goldstein." You cross your arms. You were starting to feel cold again, but you made sure to not make it obvious this time.

"Listen; I didn't lie. I genuinely felt attracted to you; in fact, I have been for the longest time. It's just that I'd already accepted we were merely friends, and I had to move on, and I figured the only way to truly stop viewing you romantically is to commit to someone, so when I found someone I was remotely interested in, I took it as a chance, but then suddenly, everything was gone. I didn't have her; I didn't have you. I didn't have anything." He takes a shaky breath. "And...and I came to you for comfort, but before I knew it, I was trying to get you to do what you clearly didn't want to do. It was selfish; I know. And by morning, I felt disgusting. I knew you wouldn't wanna look me in the face, so I left. I wanted to apologize, but you continued to ignore me, and if I'm being honest, I was also scared to confront you."

"Klaus-"

"Just let me finish." He sighs. "I'm not trying to say I'm not wrong. I am. I just want you to know I would never intentionally hurt you; I was just confused. I was heartbroken; I still had feelings for you; you let me have my way with you. I never knew you were actually into me as well. And when you ignored me, I just wanted to do anything to get your attention. Even if it meant to piss you off...which I suppose you got back at me by getting with Cedric, but that's not the point. You're right I don't have the right to be mad over it. It's just- everything just ended terribly, and I know everything is a mess, but I promise you I never meant to hurt you."

"I don't want to lose you." He starts sobbing, but Klaus being his prideful self, he quickly does his best to hold back.

You shouldn't brush everything off. He was wrong, and he hurt you. But seeing him trembling like that, you couldn't stop yourself from taking him into your arms. "I forgive you." You mumble.

"You do?" He perks up, looking at you with wide eyes.

"Yeah...I understand. Feelings can be confusing at times." You shrug. "Also...you never forced me into something I didn't want to do...I thought you knew I liked you?"

"Me?" He furrows his eyebrows.

"Yeah? You literally said it?" You let out a confused laugh.

Klaus pulls away from you. "When did I ever say that?"

"You were drunk; you said you knew I like you."

"Oh...that's just something I say...to everyone...when I'm drunk..." He rubs his temples in embarrassment.

You laugh. "Well, it's not like you're any less narcissistic when not drunk anyway."

"Hey! Watch it! I could still push you back into the water!"

"Shut up. You literally freaked the hell out when I fell the first time." You get off the grass.

He follows. "Not true."

"Yes true."

"Nope."

"Yup."

Well, maybe two stubborn people shouldn't be friends because this went on for a while. You were glad, however, that the tension between you guys was gone, and you two were back to normal again.

"Wanna go back to my apartment this time?" Klaus smirks before quickly adding, "Promise you won't be waking up to any notes this time...?"

Your face heats up. He was still recovering from a break up. This was still a bad idea. You should just decline and take things slow.

"Sure."

[bufflessbodney]

Hi Dr, I was doing some research into vitamins for my sciatica and came across mention of a supplement I used to take up until right before my first manic episode by the name of rhodiola so I checked and found an article that said it can cause mania. Then I looked into two others I was taking, and, same deal: green coffee supplements which I was taking for energy and maca root powder which to be honest I took in abundance at probably three times the recommended dose, as well as the energy drinks ..being as I had never had a manic episode before I had no idea I was setting myself up for anything; I have had severe chronic muscular pain in my entire body since the age of 20, diagnosed as fibromyalgia -but then one Dr said it wasn't but she did not do nearly as elaborate an assessment as the first- and as a single mom I felt very depleted and lethargic much of the time so I was trying to boost my energy levels and it was working. Then I went on a vacation and to look for housing as we were planning to move, and it was the very first time away from my kids (other than the brief interlude between when my sons were stolen and when my daughter was born which was only a matter of months) and at my friend's house where I was staying (___) so I was unable to sleep for the majority of the time, a nap here and there, and things just got weirder cuz it was a house of partiers and I was seeing a guy there too who was very strange and long story short I ended up wandering the streets and slipped into homelessness within which I obviously did not sleep pretty much ever. I went off all my supplements cold turkey (there were a few others but I cannot remember which). Anyway my daughter and I were very close and talked pretty much constantly and I just remember the LACK of conversation filling my mind with this ..uh ..I don't know how to explain it, it was like I was still talking to her in my head but also needed to find a way to fill the lack somehow. And I also felt deeply compelled to do emotional healing work. The very first bonkers thing that happened and my only 'real' so called 'hallucination' that I recall, was when I screamed in an alley for about 10 minutes because I was persistently haunted by the memory of being recently raped, after which, with wonderful immediacy, I saw tiny rainbows surround and float around me for a couple of minutes. So either I cracked something in my brain by screaming or it was God comforting me or some shit. But I don't think in all my life I had ever screamed before and it was pretty intense.

Then my first manic episode was when after not sleeping at all for days and days, not even an hour, or eating in at least 2 days I think (long story) my weird friend kept taking me into restaurants and then out again and I kept thinking he was going to feed me and I was getting progressively more confused and I guess irritated or whatever word works and a guy noticed and offered me a toke off his joint and I hadn't smoked in a while and I took a huge blast and it just sent me (back) into screamland:

So this is why I think we are mainly dealing with PTSD stuff cuz I have been an expert at repressing my whole life, like, really really good at it. And then the subsequent manic episodes were, in my opinion, similarly, like, echoes of the first; occurring out of an impulse toward healing but sort of forced by circumstance (not sleeping, eating, excessive marijuana intake, etc). I also have pretty strong theories with regard to subtler considerations but you may neither be interested in such 'pseudo' scientifickicities or persuaded by them. However, myself having lived in BC for half my life where holistic medicine is considered the norm in many if not most circles, I cannot discount my views or replace them with what I consider to be a less than evolved conception of matters at hand (no offence; 'research' being what it is is still just at whatever stage it is at, and is not in itself a proof of truth or however you wanna phrase that). Such considerations are the effects of pretty much every thing I ingest on 'whatever' level they effect upon. During 'mania' or 'hypomania' it 'feels' like straight up 'vibration nuance variability' but I have such a sensitive disposition and I mean that physically as well that I can back that up with my own, less wacko\esoteric/bonko research and experience. For example I was vegetarian from the age of 18 until days before I went manic the first time (which I believe is another factor) and then felt addicted to meat and couldn't quit until a couple of months ago. Then I was tempted into eating meat again and I literally couldn't stop feeling like I was going to die afterwards. Albeit it was just like a wandering, mild, but still persistent thought, and I was high, but I never feel paranoid or yucky like that and I know it was the meat. Dairy has somewhat similar effects on me, but almost the opposite (I feel emotionally comforted by it but my body physically does not like it). And when manic or hypomanic I am really compelled toward vegetables like I used to be as a vegetarian but sort of lost my zazz for since becoming bipolar for some reason, BUT, I find them a nuisance and too fibrous and find myself sucking the juice out of them. Etc.

Anyway, blah blah blah who cares about the rantings of some lunatic, but I, for myself, think there is something very simple and natural to the process of healing, and that ultimately it would be within God's design to draw us back into harmony with nature at some point. I know I am 'ahead of my time' in many respects, I'm not a genius for nothing, but I feel encouraged by our last meeting and now that you have acknowledged the possibility that I might not be bipolar (and please understand that it is because to me the diagnosis simply does not make sense given what I understand about myself and my life and the nature of reality etc) I feel my time of necessarily challenging what does not make sense or sit right in my mind (for how couldn't I?) is less of a necessity and we can focus on potentialities etc. And don't worry I don't go around spouting my 'wisdom', I just live my life and if people learn anything from me it is only by paying attention.

Sorry about my run on paragraphs, I honestly cannot figure out how to not.